depressing.

i woke up today to the sound of a brand new day.
apparently it rained the night before and i felt i'd magically transported to the artic.
to be honest, invest is haunting me in my dreams. am i too paranoid? but i'm constantly thinking and worrying about invest, that its not good enough or that it wont work out. i spend most of my time thinking and weighing the possibilities, i feel so drained. and then i start panicking.

ahhh i almost started crying like some loser while talking to cindy just now.
im just really afraid. :(

and then i went for violin and ah, i feel like giving up. ive been doing the same thing for weeks and im not going anywhere. i know i should be really thankful i can learn a skill, or more like this is a gift for me. i've been doing this ever since the day i was born, for as long as i can rmb, i dont want to let go. but right now, its just a piece of wood to me. brentz is like a burden to me. i need to reignite that spark of passion (sounds wrong) and yeah i will but if i can see your continual lack of encouragement burning in your eyes, its not gonna help me.

the incessant drilling is going to kill me i promise. one more time and im going to have to move out.

1) gramps place
too far from school and too much distractions(food). but there are like two cars so maybe that solves my problem of going to school. plus there is an extra room right at the top and the balcony is just right outside. i can climb out of the window to the balcony.

2)other gramps place
quite far but not as far as place 1. the twins will be there which means i cant study and i will be distracted. plus there arent any computers even though i wouldnt mind sleeping on the couch. plus my grandad is the best male chef ever.

3) wanting's place
too many distractions

4)louisa's place
same as above.

5)stay where i am
its still as far from school and the noise is there -__-

what a dilemma i need to wallow in selfpity.

sigh.

oh wait.

6) changi airport
perfect.