heart swell

all my life, i've always wanted to be away from this place. i came to loathed the continual torridity, the monotony of life, how the education system was unfair. all i ever wanted was to leave, i said i didnt feel at home anywhere, didnt belong to a place. over the past week ive come to understand how ignorant and obstinate ive been and the grass really isnt always greener on the other side.

i have no one to blame but myself for my incapability to find ~life~ even in the most monotonous of things. because tbh, even though my life mainly revolves around school, it is anything but stale. i said i hated the education system, but honestly looking back, i have many options, i wasnt forced to continue with what i hated, how can i blatantly say i wasnt given a choice when i did make a choice to pursue smth more appealing to me? i think many things ive come to take for granted. in cambodia i felt so at peace but i know better, if i were born there i could forget about even having the opportunity to come into contact with literature. i say i want winter nights, the warmth christmas brings when snow falls, ive come to realise i can always travel overseas to experience that. i cannot believe how ignorant and how ungrateful i have been all this time. then again i change my mind everyday. i say i want to migrate to taiwan when im older, i think i still do, but maybe i'd decide otherwise when time draws nearer. i think its also time i realise that after 19 years, i am most fortunate to have been born in singapore.

riplky