you are more than just a dream

yupz I was right, the 'cooking is a fine art' phrase I entered (full of high hopes for myself) pretty much fizzled like the Harlem Shake fad (whats the difference between a fad and a trend??) Ever since the lacklustre responses from my first audience (just my fam) I have not stepped into the kitchen with the mindset of creation but rather just looking for smth to eat (on a sidenote, I have been losing weight since I started school but NO I DO NOT FEEL SKINNIER SO IT DOESNT COUNT) Tim was like 'maybe you should've put your heart and soul into it' WELL THANKS MANN so long frying pans and recipes, till later when I have recovered from this harrowing episode. SO I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO ART. You can't try to do art, you just do art but I'm not talented enough to do art, so I try very very hard and I must say my virgin attempt at painting my laptop case has proved that IM THAT BAD ppl have commented that it looks store bought well thank you I spent very long on it hahaha so I shall venture further into this, test the waters heh.

I guess the reason why I haven't been writing as well has to do with my default state of being happy like I do get waves of loneliness and sadness that creeps and tugs at the corners of my eyes but these moments are only triggered by late night empty musings and recollections of my distant past and maybe movies and sad songs, which does not give me much material to shape and bring to life which is a really devastating thing having said that I can't use this tragedy as solid foundation for my writing, it isnt genuine enough all writers are sad and hopeless in a way I wished I was sad and hopeless and this is a really long sentence. Sighh I am still trying very hard though, reading does help I guess but nit much, you need personal input.

Today Zep suggested a shopping makeover for Jairus and Austin. Its quite funny how Jairus is the only one in JC. Honestly I'm quite thankful Belicia came over to poly its just a feeling that I cant describe. Zep actually dresses quite well I take back my words about him dressing sloppily HAHAHA sorry xx The ppl in NP are very friendly, I've pretty much retarded through my whole life (using it as a verb here) and simple things I fail to be able to do and the ppl here are kind enough to offer their help thank you very much school is pretty fun even though Belicia's modules ARE BASICALLY LIT LIKE I DID NOT LEAVE THE SOUTH SIDE FOR THIS (mean girl reference which pretty much didn't make sense) BUT I WANT LIT I WANT LIT SO MUCH UGHHHHHHHHHHHH but okaye I like my course too (this might be too early to say but I'm just gonna presume lets see what Future Kristie says lol) I do miss my SA classmates though today I forgot I was from SA too, and my XMS friends but I'm like my new school too heh.

The weather reminds me of Taiwan.