Not trying to romanticise 'loneliness' but I have a lonely mind and I like being lonely. My thoughts consume me but I try not to succumb. Honestly speaking, if you let me, I would have held on until forever. I do not give up easily, nor do I lose heart. But now that I am back at square one, I might just revert. 2 years ago I would have never even thought of marriage. I felt that weddings were intimidating, too close for comfort, the only redeeming factor would be the food. And now, I tear up at weddings, I visualise how my toes would feel on the sand, if I would wear a gown, the music to be played.. and I've been evaluating, wondering if I was better at being who I was 2 years ago. I wasn't happy but I was self-sufficient. I was perfectly adequate, I liked having over-ambitious dreams, I liked the turgidity of my mind, I liked being hopelessly in love with a boy with a single dimple, I liked the constant familiarity of my friends and I liked how safe I felt. I took a chance on myself, gave it a shot and now I realise I haven't really changed. My default mode is being lonely, it is what I'm best at. And trust me, I would do anyth, give just about anyth, I'll gladly bear the heartaches and turmoil if I knew where you were now, be it on the other side of the world, or just down the street, or maybe a few years from now, even days. I swear, even if I am good at being alone, an entity, by yourself, I will be whatever you need me to be.