when you're still waiting for the snow to fall/ it doesn't really feel like christmas at all

it hasn't hit me that it is approximately 20 more days to christmas AND MY CHRISTMAS TREE IS STILL HIBERNATING IN ITS CARDBOARD COFFIN WAITING TO BE DRESSED UP and I've been meaning to set it up but i just keep forgetting and Tim refuses to set it up even tho he's at home all the time just cuz he's lazy i mean he cannot use height as an excuse cuz as of this year, i now take the place of being the shortest at home (only a matter of time really) and I really wanna be excited about christmas this year being nonchalant towards everything is my second greatest fear ahh! but i really cannot be bothered and i am still very upset that i have resorted to deluding myself that i'll be in europe BUT WAKE UP KRIS i am very sad. christmas makes me sad merry KRIStmas y'all hahahaha but come to think of it i'll only be completely free of all responsibilities on the 13th (coincidentally it happens to be a friday) and then i'll be free for 5 days HAHA but think about it. Do you ever wonder like there's so much more to life than this? there's so much more to life than routine/rituals LIKE THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO LIFE THAN MERELY FOLLOWING A SET OF INSTRUCTIONS OR GOING THROUGH A PROCEDURE. yes life feels like a procedure to me and it should not feel this way ok i just need smth interesting and REAL to happen to me, noope not the stories i conjure within my lonely mind (again i am self-deluded) but smth real, not synthetic/artificial/vague smth solid and interesting can it pls happen to me now i need an adventure xx