this world may confuse me so burn my skin char my cheek, one thing's for sure, i can always count on gordy to lead me through the valleys.

think i might actually need help lol before it consumes me 

2k14 year of BEBS

HOLA AMIGOS

am a day late and i dont have the excuse of 'its probs NYE somewhere' but im gonna need some time to recollect my thoughts- very scattered. 2k14 felt like the LONGEST year ever, it felt like idk 300 months compressed into a year sometimes the months fly by but most of the time, each second LINGERS LIKE A STALKER YA like it was so slow and dreadful, must say 2k14 has been pretty insane like how everything and nothing happened at the same time v strange i must conclude i lead a strange life. I say its been long because SO much happened yet there are no drastic changes to my life, maybe 2k15 ya.

Anyway, i like to think that my writing evolved to become... idk marginally less wimpy, less shallow and less inconsequential. but then again i havent written alot this year- also i think my emotional range has perhaps widen a little even tho i still FEEL so much through people around me. guess either way it is a good thing to bleed. at least i still have reasons to bleed and write, carve a well in my chest, store it with saline and wait for it to overflow- this year i am going to write more, embarrassing cliche, doesn't matter i will have to write more and may i always be inspired by others. YA GET READY FOR BAD WRITING ALSO APOLOGISING IN ADVANCE. also wish for more things to happen to me this year, there is only so much i can tunnel through my sometimes absent sometimes present soul ya

yknow how ppl say as u grow older it gets harder and harder to find friends?? ya to a certain extent i agree its kinda true but i guess im lucky to have met 3 v important lame and supportive friends this year HAHHA sometimes yknow like different frequency and no matter how hard u try you just cant solidify the friendship to the pedestal of highest of highs but i!!! am!!! so!!! lucky!!! these 3 are here ya damn lame and stupid buds but i am lame and stupid also so we all bask in mutual lameness and stupidity am v thankful for yall <3 p="">
also i finally have my buds back after A's and it feels like coming home again. i've come to realised many things, think it comes with age (LMAO saying it like im mature and wise, far from it really) idk mann when you're below the age of 16 relations between people felt very one-dimensional, not saying then i had shallow relations with ppl, but i was very shallow then. i am coming to understand that we grow, we burn, we curve tgt- its starting to occur to me that we are going through ~*life*~ tgt- its been a year of transitions, still feeling lost and lonely but im not the only one and there are so many milestones/events we are reaching at our own pace and it gives my heart so much joy that they get to experience it with me, and i get to experience it with them. a year closer to adulthood and im quite scared honestly bc wtf im always broke and i still expect my mum to pay for my clothes and i cant cook without setting my house on fire, i still have a curfew to meet, I STILL THINK BEING A SAILOR IS A PRACTICAL CAREER but i am taking baby steps and maybe one day i might actually cook a decent meal that does not involve pre-frozen meals or instant noodles. #masterchef ya ahahahah

usually i make bad decisions but i think the best most enriching thing that happened to me was #fmscambodia2k14 i may not have felt it but i think it really did change my perceptions, also baring my eyes to reality's naked ass. its not like i'm jaded or anyth but you go with the mindset of changing lives but ultimately it isnt as easy as it seems?? and i know some ppl feel great after going for trips like these (me circa 2013) but now that i know my efforts are pretty futile maybe somethings cant be easily fixed and it saddens me more than it motivates me i must admit. not sure if i have the capacity to return because everything is so heartbreaking.

i dont think there's anymore to say. soon the glistening new year will wear off and we resume to normalcy. if u take apart the days of 2k14, and examine them- not much has happened, new year same mistakes. but really if u take into account all 365 days i would like to think i grew alot. i know i say that every year but this year, i think i am coming to grasp at tails, i am realising many things and dealing with them, im still working on. but its great when there's growth. also thankful for God bringing me through the year. here's to a creative, fulfilling 2k15, past resolution of growing my hair until my waist IS NOT HAPPENING BC HAIR DOESNT GROW AT WILL thus i shall carry it forward and once it grazes my waist TIME TO CUT YA we will see if that happens.

May u grow, may u grieve, may u laugh, may u bleed. Happy 2k15.