reminder to self

i don't get angry easily, even if i do, it usually dissipates in seconds, i rarely hold on to rage, but nowadays i find myself getting so angry with issues that may not necessarily affect me but i completely relate to or understand and sometimes and its not a rage that burns or blooms but a strange kind of rage that dampens and makes a nest in my chest and at the same time i am fully aware that this rage i feel cannot be confused with 'an awakening' because it might be short-lived, it might decide to reside, only time will tell. and with this anger comes a whole other set of anger, another pocket of anger i am forced to swallow and confront- being angry with myself, how i allowed myself to be so daft, so nonchalant, so utterly clueless about what is happening in sg, and how i was able to live in this spectacular bubble of being self-absorbed and self-centred for the past 19 years.

this clueless head of mine and an immense anger that makes me so sad is a tragic combination and makes me unworthy to even speak about or do anything about these issues. all this rage, where do i put them down? there are many things i want to do, now all my previous fantasises seem so frivolous, so selfish. i will not be ignorant anymore, i will get my education so i can speak about these issues, do something about these issues, get my head out of my ass. in case i ever forget, this will be a reminder to myself. be present, be aware, always.

still learning to swallow this world raw

it's not a bad life. it really isn't. i think i am right where i am supposed to be right now. and for someone who always wishes to be someplace else, i think that's a pretty great ~*feeling to possess*~  it's not a bad life.