idk how girls does it, this season has been incredible, nothing short of splendid. perhaps bc im so close to the edge of adulthood, i feel myself leaning towards it and leaning away at the same time, but i know one thing- i’ll be ok. eventually. somehow, one way or another. 

where do i begin??? shosh i love her, she is truly a gem, a pure precious unicorn angel, like the type of acquaintance that would comment heart eyes emojis on your instagram posts and you know she genuinely means it, that’s shosh, i love her, i love that she found home away from home, that she is probably the most put tgt ‘girl’ amongst the rest of the girls. and i feel that even thought she whines, she still manages to turn the situation around so that she has fun regardless of where she is, i hope i learn her tenacity, i hope i learn to be as hopeful and to be as youthful as her, shosh is the only good character that formed after 5 seasons. i’ll watch a spin-off just about shosh.

i cant believe ray, most times i believe he is the only sane person on the show but him being with marnie again, why u gotta be her bitch!!!!! he’s so infuriating

loved marnie’s episode with charlie, for the first time, the audience is given the chance to sympathise with her, to like her, i truly believe it was a defining moment for her, to leave desi, to be by herself. she’s still annoying, less annoying i guess but not with desi anymore, im just glad its over for her.

elijah baby!!!!! i want to wrap him in a blanket and keep him safe, i damn near shed tears when dil told him he needed someone less aimless. its true, but its not pretty to hear those words from your supposed boyfriend. all elijah wants is to be happy, to be really fucking ok with himself, like completely at peace with the world and his place but he just keeps finding himself on the losing end. his lines are still the best, spoken gems. 

i dont know what to make out of adam. i dont understand him, but i don’t think he was meant to be understood. the incredible scene, the chaos of jessa and him just spiraling into a hannah-hating induced disaster, it was so powerful, the repressed thoughts, the absolute destruction they both were capable of, magnified by their surroundings and actions, the visual manifestation of their relationship and personalities, what a culmination, truly terrifying yet expected. i stand by my words: jessa is the worst. never will i wish upon anyone, to have a friend like jessa. i have so much to say about her- she knows she is an utter phony and when others discover just how clueless and useless she actually is, she picks at the other party to make them lash out, the way she wants them to, im mortified at her lack of empathy for anyone but herself. 

i cried so many times this season. i cried when hannah found out about jessa and adam, i cried when elijah had his heart broken, i cried when hannah had her monologue. there was just a strange note of finality, to her relationships with adam and jessa, to her being excited at the end, running off to a distant future, her accepting the facts as they are, coming to terms with and wishing herself all the best. its not adam and jessa she was thinking of when she left the fruit basket there, it was herself. wishing yourself all the best and looking forward, i want to run down a fucking bridge at 3 am, i want to dance on a rooftop i want to fucking dive right into the heart of the world. season 5 ended and it looks nothing like how it began. i imagine adulthood to be similar. i don’t expect myself to be the same, but one thing i know for sure, i will dive into the heart of the fucking world, i will swallow this world raw, i’ll be running across bridges barefoot in a tiny dress, i’ll slow dance my nights away, alone, with a friend, with strangers, it does’t matter. i’ll carve a hole the shape of me in this world.