There isn't a word for everything

I'm finally back to reading again! There's smth about the scent of paper that brings about a familiar comfort. I haven't been reading for ages now hopefully I may gain some inspiration and let my ink bleed through the pages. Aye. How hard issit to tell yourself not to let your mind wander? I guess we're all guilty of 'over-thinking'. But does revisting a question sunk and imprinted so deeply into your mind considered 'over-thinking'? I guess the mind is 'trigger happy', in a way certain events bring about memories stashed away (which eventually leads to our questions that haunt our souls). And this causes emotions to resurface and this. This last stage is extremely dangerous because it is when we catch ourselves most vulnerable, where the slightest tip of the balancing scale might throw everything off centre. But we all have to keep in mind that these emotions are temporal. They do not follow you into the dark nor do they cling on like shadows. These illusions fade away soon enough even if they seem so real, so apt and so comforting. Comforting because its familiar? I always find comfort in familiarity. It is almost impossible to not falter. So hard especially since this 'trigger' has brought about everything you drowned in the back of your mind. Remind yourself: it will all fade. This is just a phase. And if you find yourself asking the same questions you did 2 years ago, don't bother searching for the answer. It doesn't matter. The answer doesn't matter. It is all in the past. It does not hold any significance to the present. No, it does not matter.

this is it?

So, Melizo ended ytd, and it was a raving success, never felt so accomplished ever since SYF last year. Well now.. I'm just kinda lost and empty. 3 and a quarter years journey, has it all ended? Ohmann I'm so sorry if i sound way too depressed, I'm just really hungover. I mean been through so much with XMC its hard to leave something that has given me so much. So many things I've learnt, I'm so thankful to be part of this family. I can still rmb the Europe Trip in Sec 1, wow, best choir related event ever! Everything was so wonderful, singing in the rain, getting drunk on Chinese tea, winning the Gold Award... felt as if I couldn't belong more to anywhere else. And then in Sec 2 there was Kaleidoscope, and SYF in Sec 3 followed by the UCC performance and Mrs Yeap's passing and finally, Melizo in Sec 4. I'm gonna miss choir so much. Perhaps its the way music works its magic into our souls, but I've felt so much and experienced so much more. Living a life of a performer, feels so good. I think even if we're going to officially graduate from XMC, we can't ever completely leave it. Well, on the brightside, there's the Alumni Choir we can join. MAy XMC continue to soar and reach greater heights! Thank you for giving me so much to be thankful for!

With or Without You- U2

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm, we reach the shore
You gave it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live with or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give and you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied, my body bruised
She got me with nothing to win
And nothing else to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give and you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you

Oh mann can't help but melt whenever i hear this song! Seriously, ppl need to listen more to older songs, they hold so much meaning.

now or never

Apologies for the cliched title but ohwell. Sudden realisation dawned upon my clueless mind that Melizo is IN 8 MORE DAYS. My last choir performance, in 8 more days and I am nowhere near prepared/ready for it. God bless me. Aww shoot I'm starting to get all nostalgic and sappy. I'll miss choir so much. Especially my choir clique. And all the tough times choir been through tgt. We've gained, we've lost, both successfully and relationship based. And that ties us tgt because we know what one another has been through, we understand and we all have the same goal. That is to make our last performance a legen-wait for it.............. DARY performance!! I mean who wouldn't want that?! CAMP COMMENCES TMR well gonna put in all the effort over the next 3 days and I swear if any sec 1 thinks I'm sec2/3 YOU'RE GOING DOWNZXC. Meh try me k. Haha I'm sorry, the 'cool senior' facade is too attractive for me to give up. Anyhoo, now that its all said and done, I sincerely hope that everything is alright for everyone now. In fact I believe that it is. Even if its not, well I am just going to bask in my glorious oblivion and self denial/assurance. Selfish of myself but I'm at a point where I think I deserve this right, especially after the turmoil I've been through these few years. There's a song called 'You could be happy' by Snow Patrol and it got me thinking.. do you want to accept happiness? Issit a personal acceptance/perception or what fate does to your twisted life? I think yes, events do bring joy. But even if the most wonderful of events happen to you, it really is your choice if you want to accept and be happy. Perhaps we're all used to being sad, isn't that what we're best at? Perhaps after feeling sad for so long, it becomes normal for us to feel sad. But honestly, do we deserve this sadness? You can't deny, you think you deserve to be happy. I mean everyone wants to be happy, deep down inside. Yes sorrow is familiar and comforting but joy, it illuminates the gray areas of our tragic lives, altering the way we embrace life. Do I sound creepy? Okaye I do but heck, being happy really is a personal choice. You can choose to live in familiarity and perceive life in sadness or we can choose to take better care of our beaten defeated souls and let a little joy in. You could be happy, we all deserve to be happy, don't we?

Sorry for that outburst. Result of overthinking. With the weather chilling our spines, you might think winter will come to Singapore after all.

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Thanksgiving dinner in church was pretty grand, the Rev from the SYNOD came down, even the First Lady of Singapore, NO KIDDING. Anyhoo we had the dinner in the school hall with performances from the school which were quite sad cuz since everyone was eating no one really noticed the performances. Ended up walking around and discussing a SUPER SUSPICIOUS possibility nyehnyehnyeh. I'm looking forward to church camp I can already imagine how legendary it'll be! I'm going to pray hard and persuade my folks. Well, in the meantime there's choir camp to look forward too! AND A CHOIR PHOTO SHOOT WHOOHOO so completely stoked, hopefully we're allowed to stay up AND RECORD COVERS! I'm already anticipating Thursday, even though there'll be loads of practices its all going to be worthwhile. Cmon let's do this for the sake of MELIZO!

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16

So, today's my sweet 16th! And I really don't know what to say, i feel really blessed to have such lovely friends and family. I really wasn't expecting all the gifts and wishes. I'm so grateful/thankful for all of you awesome ppl I love you all. Feeling so blessed.

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there's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you paid for

WARNING: THIS IS AN ANGSTY POST.

okaye I had enough! AFTER YEARS OF PENT UP FRUSTRATIONS, yknow I really really dislike it when there's this song/band/book/interest i simply adore and no one I know bothers about it and I'm actually pretty happy BUT THEN whatever it is that i simply adore suddenly becomes a fad, a HUGE TREND AND SUDDENLY EVERYONE PERSON ON THE PLANET IS INTO IT TOO. I HATE IT I REALLY DO. I MEAN LIKE DUDE, one does not simply submit to being mainstream. AND I GET MAINSTREAM-ED. -__- it is really annoying. A recent example, I read the book 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close' a really long time ago and that book is amazing no doubt, so easy to comprehend and relate to. And its no surprise a movie will prolly come out AND YES IT IS OUT IN THE THEATRES NOW AND GUESS WHAT? suddenly everyone wants to read the book, everyone is saying 'omg this book is so awesome!' I MEAN LIKE SERIOUSLY? also, since I am a pretty huge fan of OneRepublic and The Script, I usually YouTube their new songs long before they hit radio stations and of course no one knows the songs and suddenly half a year later it plays on radio and EVERY FREAKING PERSON IN THE WORLD LOVES THE SONG. URGH. The same applies for most interests of mine. Okaye I'll be honest, the things that I really take an interest too are rather unpopular and uncommon. But I don't mind because I like it, its part of me, my identity, know one else is like me. And then some kids come along and ruin it by liking the same unpopular uncommon things as I do. And I don't feel special at all. :( with the exception of Coldplay since I love them so much I want everyone to love them too! HAHA its like every time I discover a Coldplayer, I am beyond happy, its almost like meeting a long lost family member. :') yeah I feel like a family amongst these familiar strangers. Speaking of which, IT'S CHRIS FREAKING MARTIN'S BDAY TODAY. AWWWW YEEEEAAAAHH! HAHAHA okaye I'm cooled down now, but I still hate it. Meh. Here's the question(s) of the day: Can indie music still be considered indie if it constantly receives airplay on radio? Will indie music ever succumb to mainstream? Will I ever grow taller? These are the questions I ponder upon deep at night. And I think I'm too drunk in exhaustion. Goodnight fellow lonely minds of the world, gonna be a long day for me tmr! Tuition, rehearsal at church plus finally tasting my grandma's cooking. I'm pretty stoked about the rehearsal since its gonna be the official one, with all the performers etc...... Wow so shy HAHA ANYWAY HIPSTERGIRL_96 SHALL SUBMIT TO HER EVER RELIANT BED. nights guys, all the best for Xinthesis! ^^

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embarrassment can be my middle name

After 'Awesome'. HAHA I TRY VERY HARD TO BE FUNNY. Forgive me pls. Anyway, have you ever drank vinegar from a cup w/o knowing before? This was a milestone I reached today. #AchievementUnlocked so, today during YF, as usual, we had our mixers etc. And one of the mixers was involved 2 rows of cups with 'smth' inside, and whoever called up had to pick a cup at random and drink it down keeping a straight face regardless of what was inside. So the first round, everything was water. And during the second round, Isaac decided to call up the bday ppl (AHEMHINTAHEM) and he did the 'spotlight' thing to filter out the bday ppl (AHEMHINTAHEM) so he kinda said some embarrassing stuff about me THAT EVEN I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT MYSELF HAHA apparently he takes the same bus as I do every morning just that I don't notice him cuz I'm konked out/zombiefied and then he did this really unglam pose of me sleeping on the bus! but here's the real climax, we grabbed our cups and then I just drank mine like how you would usually drink water. Then it hit me like Bieber Fever (KIDDING) at first I thought it was Sprite cuz I SWEAR IT TASTED REALLY SWEET then as it started to sink into my palates, I realised to notice it tasted awfully sour and it BURNED!! I COULD FEEL MY LIPS BURNING and my mind started to detect what it was but it must've been traumatic cuz MY MIND STOPPED WORKING. MY BRAIN MALFUNCTIONED AND I JUST SWALLOWED IT ah, the things I go through. And you can guess my facial expression throughout this.... In full view of everyone else. and Isaac finally revealed that it was.... Vinegar. Apparently Bryan says vinegar is ethanoic acid so I CAN FEEL MY INSIDES CORRODING, JOY! haha Gerard managed to keep a straight face THE MYSTERIES OF LIFE so, I guess this bday present was pretty neat hahaha I'll never hear the end of this. Oh yes, the carnivorous in me never dies. I wonder how vegetarians can live on this planet. So painful when such glorious meats are present everywhere. Anyhoo my folks got me a Coffee Bean gift card SO WHADDUP GUESS WHO'S GONNA GET DRUNK IN CAFFINE? HAHA I'M SO COOL OKAYE BYE

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