feeling so disenchanted about everything. cant stop myself from worrying and it kinda makes me blue to see the disintegration of smth with so much potential, but i guess somethings are not meant to be and i hope everyth works out. heard some extremely good news today though, i feel so happy/proud/excited for whats to come and i honestly cannot wait for it to happen to me too. the mental/hypothetical visual ivan painted for me sounds like almost everyth that would complement me and idk its not an expectation but more of smth to look forward to? and well i really am looking forward to it now, im not sure if it'll change but i do hope fervently, that we will get whatever that's good for us