you see when you put me under pressure i have 2 outcomes:

1) i get a jolt of inspiration from writhing in my skin tryna come up with substantial material and i manage (one way or another) to craft some sort of 'acceptable' piece of work

2) i cannot think and this is why most of my works always start with these three words 'i cannot think' 

and sometimes the third alternative, i feel so disgusted with myself and feel so inconsequential i immediately stop before i further disgust myself do you get what im tryna say frick i am so stressed right now force-feeding myself words so i can regurgitate them and hope, HOPE (hope is a strong tool, a tool for delusion if i may add) 

there are always feelings and thoughts that i am not good enough and reading works from other kids my age or even younger and frick they just move me and i feel shivers, freaking shivers how in the world is an 18 year old soul able to feel that much????? i get so angry with myself when i cannot measure up am i even good enough? (is the question on my mind) wish me luck pls xx