things i am sure of

i am positive that should he lay eyes on someone else, i will most surely disintegrate like dust. not even crack- my skin drawing hairline fractures, spreading like roots. no i would not even exceed 'crumble'. that would be too intense. i will curl up like the smoke from chimneys, dissipate and dispel. i always wondered if the circumference of a chimney affected the way it dispensed smoke. dispense is a strange word to use. 'shall we dispense with the forced civilness?' or  'she dispensed my medicine' yet i feel it is the only appropriate word to justify my depletion. 

so here i lay, this is nothing but smoke and mirrors i am confounded within my own means. it is quite the talent. now i am reminded of a murakami quote. 'I want to see him. I want to see him so badly I could die. That’s the only thing that seems certain.' this explains everything. with every passing day of our last encounter i am reaching my demise. i think i am in the process of dying. but i do not want to alarm anyone. my reflection retains the same half pained perpetually surprised expression. like when a non-particularly attractive stranger asks for your number. not like that unfortunate incident has ever befallen upon me, but this should help you visualize. it is a strange situation nonetheless. in all 18 years of my insignificant existence i have come to realise that love is flexible and non-defining. i have chosen to love only you. 

this could be easy, could be simple. after all it is. 

i think that if you were the sea, i'd tie rocks to my chest before going for a dip in the waters.

i think that if you were a burning house, i'd become part of your debris. 

i think that if you were science, i'd name love after you. 

i think i had enough with reducing myself to metaphors.

i think i love only you.