time has always been versatile for me with the exception of the past 15 days, i think Singapore might just hold some meaning for me after all.
it is starting to get hard to recall the past 15 days but i will try my best and talk about it in depth.
day 1-5??:
arrived at FGA in the evening, (it gets dark real early in Cambodia) and we stayed in a dorm that had 3 rooms with bunk beds inside so that was great HAHA like legit mattresses but kaiyan commented that it looked like a construction worker's dorm LMAO joke so rude!!! was constantly woken up by the 8 dogs living in the center haha so cute (i know all their names) breakfast was at 630am everyday mann thats insane and it was usually rice plus a side dish of maybe salted egg?? we spent our days at GTIS (where i subsequently found out that the ex-principal was murdered there but thats another story for another day) painting the walls and i must say we did a brilliant job!!!! (there were occassional splotches on the pavement which could not be removed with thinner/patrol) damage is done so might as well leave our mark there right hahhaha but i must say the end product was very beautiful and garden or rather laying bricks with cement was workout worthy hahah they had to make the cement from scratch yknow and it was funny because the original plan did not mention a giant ass pool in the garden and when we arrived there was a hole large enough to bury all my hopes and dreams hahaha jk while digging the grounds + laying bricks it felt like we were digging our own graves. the school was really new and white (clean.... not so) but designed after Singaporean schools
tbh, i wasnt very attached to the kids at FGA i was never really good at kids anyway but my conversations with the older kids made me a little depressed because they could've been like me we could have easily switched places they could be living here ahh and i got a bit emotional because the world is so so unfair and i want to help but i dont know how to.
day 6-7:
went to the city area and met the director and their kids HAHA quite funny we are mutual followers on insta lmao her son reminds me so much of tim!!! was like talking to my younger brother :)) visited the killing fields and a prison and ah very mixed feelings about cambodia... i feel like so many ppl have neglected its past torment like everything else in cambodia is offset because it simply isnt noteworthy enough?? do i make sense? like it has such an unfortunate mix of poverty and tragic events and yet it is finally ~*rising from the ground*~ LOL we met so many Singaporeans in cambodia, many of which in charge of schools or centres and it really touched me.. how can anyone just completely uproot their lives and put themselves at inconvenience just to help others? i am still learning how to. maybe one day i could.
day 8-9:
went back to the countryside and was pretty depressed at this point in time i think everyone lost it LMAO spent the two days practically doing nothing other than lying on the ground in the hall and making noise and singing and eating morale was at an all time low at that point in time literally everyone wanted to go back because it felt so pointless when the bus came on the last day i literally ran out to the bus lmao
day 10-13:
went to bblc and apparently it is now run by a singaporean couple and they have 2 kids quite amazing they have 2 puppies too and they warned us not to touch the puppies but i did because HOW CAN U STOP ME?!??! i couldnt find superman (one of the kids i met last Dec) but these days there were the most depressing the sight of everything just wrecked me i hated it so much because i was so ignorant and also because i am so helpless. i want so much to help but i cannot. when night fell we just sat on the grass and gazed into the sky, aka a massive huge giant canvas filled with stars, the stars are the freckles of the sky. and it was literally a sky full of stars, and i saw a shooting star wow!!! sorry to disappoint but i didnt wish for anyth then. would like to know how long does the wish granting window stays open for, 5 minutes? 5 seconds? in retrospect i think i would have wasted my wish, and yet went ahead with it anyway. i think that is what i want right here right now. we took a boat to a floating village and the waters were so serene and it didnt feel like i was in cambodia anymore but like in frickin africa?!?!? HAHA the world is so huge, and here i am on a tiny island, in a tiny house in my tiny chair and i cannot wait to explore the rest of it. seeing the children made me very depressed, i really wanted to just get out of the place, also was feeling emotional because pmsing LOL and also cried in front of another set of children the next day and my ~emotional breakdown~ became the reflection topic of the night. i think ive learnt to look at a situation from more than one way. i guess money would be the best way to help these ppl, but to ensure the money goes directly to them would be a little tricky, also the socio-economical situation is unlike SG's it is hard to start to fix and i think i want to help to fix it in whatever way i can so i will work hard and become rich and give as much money to them. another way of looking at it, i could become a teacher in cambodia, and even tho i dont think i would be helping as much economically, i think i could impact the lives of many. i mean sometimes its not an issue of cash but making them smile even if its for awhile and maybe thats even better than money. idk mann i really dk thats just what i think. i am in the wrong place at the wrong time i cannot quit school right now and move to cambodia, i mean i could but to do that now would be untimely. do you get what im trying to say? this trip has put me in a fix, and i think i learnt way more than i did the other time. i think my memory will return in bouts and maybe i will talk more about them but i must say, the past 15 days have been the best time of my life. and it has only made me want to work harder and do more and i think i know what i want to do when i grow up. thank you for the adventure.
oh yes and i ate 2 crickets!!!
