'But I gots to know!'

Always feeling so energized after church! Today was Women's Blessings Day, good food yum yum. Hm I should practise with Danny more, I'm getting rusty. Some ppl in church are really talented. I'm starting to sense that it runs in the family. Perhaps. I'm getting more stoked for Church Camp! YAY! What is 'Cough Syrup'? Why does Josiah like it so much? And why are B&J denying everyth when its alr so obvious? (Yes belicia I'm refering to you). These are the questions I think about concurrently while I'm speaking. Happens all the time though, its as if my mind can think of two (or more) separate unrelated thoughts even as I am speaking. I'm so cool HAHAHA
Anyhoo, I'm conceiving an indestructible plan in my mind, I alr have all the necessary 'ingredients' nyeh heh but then again it would be extremely weird to carry out w/o feeling self-concious and then again, how 'good' is 'good'? Its gonna take ages, definitely, but. But. This plan will be too formidable to be thwarted. Unless it crumbles in my mind.........so come what may!
My choices are as follows:
Betty. Somehow the more I listen to 'Betty', the more I realise its almost the perfect description of myself. How true.
High and Dry.
I haven't heard it in detail yet. But how could you ever go wrong with Radiohead?
Payphone. Pls don't stone me to death but a little mainstream would be nice. Just a little.
New York/This Isn't Everything You Are
Then again the lyrics are so heartbreaking.
Here Comes Your Man.
Well no one knows that song. BUT IT'S SO ADORABLE!!!!!
Video Games/Daughters.......perhaps. But that can wait of course, in the meantime, I'll keep my eyes wide opened. Having high hopes for this, may it be a success. Hard I know, but no harm trying. Gots to deal with myes for now! Where is my life heading? Guess I'm just floating around, no absolution in my empty words. I kinda understand how Finn feels (even if I haven't watched Glee for ages), I guess he needs smth constant and unwavering even as his life proceeds on w/o him, so he does smth rash by proposing to Rachel. High school hero, life zero. Hm. I sometimes wonder where I would see myself 20 years from now. I'll be 36.. okaye too far, 10 years from now, I'll be 26 and hopefully, hopefully I could be somewhere far away from SG. Not that I hate SG but I need smth new and different. I really envy all those kids going overseas to study. Sigh. Recently I read Cairo's stories and that put me pretty much to shame. I guess I wasn't as good as I thought I was at my craft. I wish I was a better writer though. Not good enough, not good enough.
OH YES HAVE I MENTIONED that day I was flipping through the papers and I saw the headline 'The Killers rocker shoots himself' I SWEAR I ALMOST DIED I FELT MY COLD, COLD HEART JUST STOP LIKE THAT. turns out none of them died, but rather, someone in their supporting band. R.I.P. Tommy. You made great contribution to The Killers. I'm kinda praying really really hard Coldplay doesn't come to SG because I wouldn't miss a concert with my life and I wouldn't be able to go so, (I can't believe I'm saying this) but pls pls pls don't come to SG this year Coldplay.
OKAYE IMMA ATTEMPT A SUPERMEGAFOXYAWESOMEHOT THING NOW HAHA WATCH ME SUCCEED (prolly not gonna happen)

limerence?

Limerence is characterized by intrusive thinking end pronounced sensitivity to external events that reflect the disposition of the limerent object towards the individual and can be experienced as intense joy or as extreme despair depending on the state of completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love even to the point of addictive type behavior. Usually one is inspired with an intense passion or admiration for someone.
-Wiki
I wrote a short story about this concept for RR's bday. I wished I was a better writer though. What good is a writer w/o her trade?
Anyway it took me long enough to notice that some certain songs remind me of Korea & Europe, namely (New Perspective- PATD, Iris- Ronan Keating, I Hate This Part- PCD, Breakeven- The Script). Don't ask why its just a feeling! Which reminds me, I'M FINALLY GOING FOR CHURCH CAMP WHOOO bunking with belicia heh, I can't wait but for now there's myes. Oh well, gotta work hard! All the best guys! Suffering from Glee/2BG/HIMYM withdrawal symptoms but that can waif. Gonna download and bring to Msia hehe. Oh yes, Ms Quek is back in school!!!!!! I missed her so much, couldn't be happier :')

So suspicious!

Feels wonderful to be back in church! Oh mann I really missed everyone. :( we have a new girl in our BS group, she's called XiLing AND SHE'S LIKE 180++cm, (as tall as the ceiling!! Geddit, geddit?) My folks seem more convinced to lemme go for church camp (bunking with belicia) if June remedials do not clash! Pray hard. Speaking of which, its getting more and more obvious its IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE. but everyone else seems to know, except for me urgh I swear I'll dig out all the dirt BY JUNE DURING THE CHURCH CAMP HMPH. Hm maybe cuz 'I'm never around'. Is that it? Point taken, I'll be 'around' every week now. Shawn looks really fat and puffy in my faux leather jacket, like a slutty biker esp since its really short on him HAHA but yes, everyone looks so cool in it. I'm honestly really stoked about church camp! What a great opportunity to dwell on God's word while preparing for O's! Esp amongst family/friends at a really cool resort!! #ohyeah I didn't really capture today's Exodus study but I know it has to do with how the Ten Commandments stem from Love. And how our relationship with God affects our relationship with other ppl. Hm food for thought huh. But I'm glad I went to church cuz I feel so spiritually charged now!!&#160; <br>
Myes are this Thursday, God bless me. The thought of having to go through a whole week of usual routine sickens me, but life goes on [its gets so heavy, (Coldplay!!) ], and since I'm feeling so hyped up and well rested, I shall PERSEVERE AND AWESOME EVERYWHERE. Have a lovely week guys, wherever you are.

Unexpected

So today after a whooping 3 and a half hours of brain overloading, I waited at the bus stop to go home(DUH what else). As I was waiting, this lady alighted from the bus with a young kid and she approached me saying that this kid boarded the bus w/o his mum and now that his mum was on his way to find him (don't ask me how she knew) so she told me to take care of him while she came. Well.... I'm EXTREMELY TERRIBLE WITH SMALL KIDS but I had to do smth! So I tried to talk to that poor kid, so tiny and teary eyed. I asked him for his name (Jeremiah) and his age (5). And I asked if he rmb what color his mum was wearing (no). Aww mann he looked so frightened, so I put my arm around his shoulder and I tried to help him up the bench, (so afraid he might fall) the kid and I, were such an awkward pairing but that doesn't matter. And then as soon as Jeremiah got on the bench, his mum emerged from a cab. And when I saw the kid run into her embrace, God, it felt so good. The mum was almost in tears, what followed was a hasty explanation and my bus arrived and we boarded the same bus. I then noticed that the taxi driver appeared to be super piss I suppose that the mum forgot to pay him. So he trailed the bus until they alighted then he came out of his cab and scolded the mum. I mean I couldn't hear what he said but you could tell from his actions. God what a jerk. I mean she almost lost her kid would it kill you to let it pass? Hm having mixed feelings about this. On one end of the spectrum I'm glad that I kinda helped the kid and his mum. On the other I'm quite mad with the taxi driver. Who would ever comprehend a mother's heart? God I would never let go of my kid. The only time I ever got lost was at a mall. When I was really really young. The details are faint but the wave of anxiety, I still feel it sometimes. I guess I didn't think I could ever live w/o my folks. Thank God the kid's back with his mum. Hm. 

Bloody hell

This is frustrating. It's sweltering and I've waited forever for the bus to arrive and my stupid stupid uterus oh god never hurt this badly before. I guess there's always a first huh. I just wanna get home asap, shower and hibernate. I can't take anymore panadols, but they're saving me from this torture. I know I sound like a wuss but this is honestly the first time its hurting so badly. Wonder why. With the weather and my uterus and my heavy heavy bag, please don't lemme faint on the way home.
well now that I've slept I'm feeling invincible nyehnyehnyeh just gonna hang in there it will pass it will pass it will pass. Breathing in heavy deep scent and everything will be better.

Just one of my fears

Sometimes I wonder what's it like to be a mother. Or parent for that matter. Honestly speaking, if I could I wouldn't be one. Unless I am 100% confident that I wouldn't screw up in anyway. Because things like that have to be experienced, and say you screw up once, well you learn from your mistake but the real drastic consequence is the effect it has on your kids. One stupid uncalled for action will haunt the kid for the rest of his/her life and would result in some sort of opinion carved on their mind which would slowly subconciously seep into their development and forms some sorta mentality which is going to change their behavior for the rest of their lives. For the worse of course. And then they would prolly make the same mistake when they have their own kids etc and the cycle never ends. It's not the responsibility of taking care of a kid that scares me, its the risk of moulding his/her mind wrongly that makes the whole idea of 'family' a terrible one. Because you cannot undo a mistake, you can only follow up, lessening the impact or worsening it and you can't be sure which one your actions would incur. Then again I'm prolly looking too far ahead. This can wait though, but come to think of it, there isn't any preparation you can do. Well I guess I'll stick to finding a cure for my writers block. And this massive headache isn't helping me now. My head hurts so bad its reeling and this thought of being a parent just messes it up even more. Urgh where's my panadol? :(

For as long as I have music

I can't decide what I'm feeling now. Nostalgic/blue/lost.. and ache? Today was our last choir practice and standing at my usual spot, listening to Ee Xuan's distinct voice, feeling David's and Kaely's laughter on my spine, after all this while, its been so familiar and comforting. I'll miss choir so much. The goosebumps I get when we sound really, really good, Mr Yong's untelling expression whenever he's mad at us (you can't decide if he's really angry cuz he looks happy when he's raging), Delvin's silly/cute actions. Sigh. To be honest, I can hardly rmb Year 1 in choir, but that was when choir practices were strict and everyone was so discipline. I barely knew anyone then. But I rmb how WeiShan and Fongxin conducted sectionals in the storeroom and how altos always got scolded. And of course the Europe Trip. Truly unforgettable. I miss Cairo so much and Sarah too. Sigh. Crashing one another's rooms, having midnight parties (so hardcore!) Shopping in supermarts, singing in the Christmas markets, eating icecream in the rain, getting drunk on Chinese tea.... It really was wonderful. And in year 2, Kaleidoscope! Wow collaborating with the other performing groups was really fun, there's not much I can recall though. But I do know Ms Quek was my favourite teacher. And in year 3, SYF! it was so agonizing when I couldn't make it through the first round of auditions because I was 'careless'. And each time I tried and failed I just got even more demoralized. I wanted so badly to be in the SYF team. And when I finally got in, I was so so so relieved. I really gave everything I had for SYF. Honestly it was a Do or Die thing for me. Standing on SOTA's stage for the first time, on wooden pieces the same shade as our choir room...nervous huh. And when we got Gold with Honours, all the effort, all worthed it. And then the closing ceremony at UCC. Experienced the hectic life of a performer.... BEST THING EVER. And then Mrs yeap's passing..  sigh we all need to leave sooner or later don't we? I guess I'm glad we ended off with Melizo. Truly amazing cca and family. I'll miss you guys so much.

wicked was wicked (pun intended)

Finally! I caught Wicked at MBS last night after an endless tiring wait. I've been wanting to catch Wicked ever since last September? When news of Wicked coming to SG was known. Partly because it was a Broadway musical. And because Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth were the main leads of Wicked (AND THEY ACTED IN GLEE) annnnnnnd because XMC sang Defying Gravity once BUT MAINLY CUZ IT'S BROADWAY. I MEAN DAYUM, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WANT TO GO TO BROADWAY???? I want it almost as badly as I want to attend a Coldplay concert. There are huge giant posters adorning the buildings near Broadway of the various musicals currently showing and this is where I find myself relating to Kurt/Rachel. Oh mann after the show I was so tempted to clamber on the empty stage just like what Kurt and Rachel did and sing For Good. I mean the exact same clock was on stage just like on Glee! -fangirl scream- ANYWAY I SHALL TALK ABOUT THE ACTUAL PRODUCTION. its my first Broadway musical so I can't compare but saying that its 'spectacular/amazing/awesome/legendary' wouldn't do the crew justice. It's just too fantastic for words! The props were my absolute favourite! Everything is so extravagant and professional eg the statue/clock/mechanical dragon and the stage honestly wasn't as big as I expected but the props transformed the stage into all the scenes in the musical #YouDontSay but what truly blew me away was the voice of Elphaba THAT GIRL CAN SING. It was just totally mindblowing at the end of Act 1 when she was belting out the soaring chorus of Defying Gravity and then she 'elevated' into the air and there was
smoke/mist and oh my. -CUES FANGIRL SCREAM- I really can't wait to watch Cats, The Phantom of the Opera, Chicago, Rent, Hairspray, How to Succeed in Business, West Side Story AHHHHHHHHH
And MBS is a really wonderful place (the exterior and outdoor areas) and so was the theater! But its so hard to navigate Anyhoo, BEST NIGHT EVER

Yellow, paradise, clocks

Almost called Power 98 to take part in a contest to win a trip to London to catch Coldplay. It's so easy I'll regret it so badly if I don't call in. But but but its o's gotta restrain..................... Ahhhhhhhhh this agony. Too much I can bear :'(

Palm Sunday/April Fools

so, its the fourth week I'm missing church.. urgh. Not that I want to skip church. But I'll make sure that I'll be going next week. Anyhoo our school had this External Validation assessment to see if we still deserve another School Excellence Award or extra funding. They had interviews etc by MOE officials I guess. Well the guy who interviewed by group was this 60+year old vice principal of a secondary (or primary I can't be sure) school opposite Old Airport Road. And he was so entertaining, constantly joking around. But you had to take him seriously because the fate of our school lies in his hands. After the interview huijun and I talked to Mr Daniel over anything. He's so interesting and sarcastic its funny and annoying. He shed a tiny bit of light on his teenage love life. Just a little HAHA. Anyhoo my grandma (almost 70) is flying to Shanghai to do charity work. She's gonna visit an orphanage with deformed kids. My mum says their parents dump them here. Heartless jerks. My grandma is gonna buy stuff for them I think, heh I donated some cash. I guess this is smth my grandma would do, after all she's always thinking about others etc. Inspiration to all of us. :)
There were plenty of poker face moments for me today not because of April fools though. Oh mann did not wish to get involved so I didn't.
And ppl have been stealing my chocolate grrr maybe I should learn from Tim. He has this whole box of kitkat in the fridge with a note on it that says 'Timothy's kitkat. Ask for permission before taking' OH REALLY? WELL I WONDER WHO FINISHED MY LAYS CHIPS W/O MY PERMISSION. AND MY MEJI CHOCOLATE LEAVING THE WRAPPER IN THE FRIDGE. AND MY FERRERO. like seriously? One more time ppl steal my food imma keep a minibar in my room.
Anyway I blogged about the concept of being happy a week ago and I think I should be awarded the Nobel prize for finally solving the great mystery of being happy. Well just today I met up with a situation where I was able to apply my concept
its obvious that right now ___ regrets everything. But yknow this has happened a lot of times alr. Everytime ___ says ___'s sorry you two try to make things work. Then ___ leaves you. And cycle repeats. You tried and you know that it won't work out so I'm glad you made the right decision by ignoring __'s plea for you to return. Maybe ___'s just feeling empty. But I know sometimes things from our past come back to haunt us and mess with our minds. But you must not allow it to bother you alright? After all its all in the past. Just because you wanted it so badly in the past doesn't mean you need it as badly now. Since you've alr moved on, don't turn back. Let __ get over __ own issues. You deserve to be happy.
I'm not the love guru for nothing. ;) I'm so excited for Friday!!!!!!!!!!! Wicked! WHOO
Okaye I apologize for being so scattered. Not able to formulate my thoughts in a systematic manner I hope you don't mind. Have a lovely week ahead wherever you are. Happy April fools and palm Sunday!