What more can I say?

Everyday I remind myself to Thank God for all that I have and yes I am grateful. Then again I get what I want but not what I need. Ppl need to think of what consequences their words hold. And I'm tired of making everyone happy. Go ahead and have your way.
On a brighter note, awkward dance moves do run in the family, I noticed. Or maybe its just me ha ha. Yes. Prolly. But since we all embarrassed ourselves in front of one another since forever, well there's nth to hide, EMBRACE THE FREEDOM LOL we need to have more dance battles, but to post them on any social platform would be. De. Tri. Men. Tal. Not like I am very glamorous (i try very hard) but embarrassment is my middle name. But EMBRACE THE LOSER WITHIN YOU. this is my favourite sentence. From acceptance of your own flaws (and acknowledgement) comes self confidence, which is mad attractive. Ah I said my piece. I'm still feeling sore though but being an incredibly abdorber of ache, I will be fine 

She's got you high

<p>Greetings fellow lonely minds. Surprisingly my results are slightly better than others which I expected to do better than myself. Not being complacent but there's a lot of work I need to do but for now, Chinese O's!&#160; I've finally collected my certificate and it isn't that bad just that instead of a 'one' its a 'two'. Sigh so close huh. Anyway, I'll just do whatever I can on Monday and leave it all up to God's hands. Sometimes efforts do not translate to results. Hm. <br>
I've finished reading 'The Catcher in the Rye' to be honest I totally did not catch on with what J.D Salinger was trying to put across. All I understood was the spiraling life of a 'depressed' youth. (He uses 'depressed' alot and 'phony') there wasn't a very wide range in vocabulary but his style of narration was indeed very intriguing. It came across as confused and personal which was basically the whole novel. But because I guess its a 'revolutionary' novel that 'brought a whole new culture' that its such an essential read. It kinda did morph a little of my perception. Especially with the 'phony' ppl. Boy do I see a lot of them. Speaking on that matter, I'm starting to find the MPs in SG becoming excessively phony. Only when they want power and position do they go back to building rapport with citizens. Phony ppl. All of them.<br>
But I guess some things will not be changed. <br>
Glee has ended its season, this is the lonely/drastic period from end May-early Sept starts now, which actually may not make a difference since its not like I can watch but I am DYING to know how Season 4 starts. But till then. <br>
SNOW FREAKING PATROL IS PERFORMING IN SG ON 6 AUG this can either be fantastic news or depressing news depending on how you see it and I'm starting to view this at the end of the depressing spectrum. Prelims are just around the corner and it would kinda be suicide if I went. But it would be suicide for me if I didn't go. Damnit I love Snow Patrol so much. Urghhhhh I'm praying for a miracle and Coldplay better not come to SG if not.....I swear I'll do the unthinkable.
Annnnd one more thing. I prolly wasted all my opportunities I guess.It's always the lack of courage. Hah I'm succha wuss. Regret? Highly likely. Then again it takes two hands to clap but I'll prefer if I only have myself to blame. The end.

Drastic/hectic

This is really simple. But the world makes it complicated. Nonetheless, come what may.

Eventful and embarrassing. What's new?

Haven't touched my blog, my apologies. Anyhoo, myes are over, JOY! but back to reality, the big O's are far from done. Managed to catch The Avengers, have to admit, I didn't expect it to be that great. Truly captivating, there wasn't too much bashing and smashing (which was good) and it couldn't be funnier. So stoked for the sequel WHOOHOO AND THERE WAS SO MUCH MUSCLE GOD. practically swooning and melting in my seat gahhhhh GUYS YOU HAVE TO CATCH IT.
Well today I went for icecream with my cousin, just outside my grandma's place and then I went back and came out again to get drinks for my grandma. So while at Shop and Save it suddenly occurred to me that my retainers weren't in my mouth and it hit me that I could have left it at the icecream place. So I ran back and enquired for a certain 'smth' I left behind. The dude (who took my orders) came out kinda trying to suppress a smile, 'your retainers?' And I went yeahhhhhhhh. And he went back and came out with a container half filled with water with my puny godforsaken retainers in it. I thought he was gonna pass me the container and after some awkward hesitation he looked at me, 'uhh you can take it.' So I plucked it out from the water and said thanks and ran out. The other dude said thanks rather loudly, idk why, for my embarrassing/amusing entertainment? God. I am retarded. What's worse, I spent a colossal amount of time ordering while he stood there waiting, watching, so he prolly rmbs me. Annnd. My retainers had my name on it. I can't imagine the scene when he found it (wrapped in tissue) (i know I'm disgusting, but what else?) 'God who's this idiot that left her/his retainers here?!?! OHHH. Mocha and Tim Tams. She's disgusting.' And how he transferred my retainers to the container? Well. Well. Return to the ice cream place? Nevermore. (kidding I love icecream too much.)
And have I mentioned how much I fear blood? Well, I have a terrible/ridiculous/almost laughable phobia of blood. (esp from the mouth) I hyperventilate and CRY when I see blood. It's a very loser moment for me, (but I'll embrace the loser in me), its honestly the only thing that freaks me out. Today at my gramps we had potluck and feeling lazy and all, we used wooden chopsticks and the ones that I used had little wooden bits poking out so I kinda poked myself and had a splinter, (one other which I removed) at first I was still pretty calm and awesome. (I got this guys) then when I realised I couldn't get the other one out, I started freaking out and the thought of using a needle to REMOVE IT FROM MY PALM KILLED ME. I honestly felt like fainting and my dentist aunt insisted on using a needle and I couldn't help but start crying HAHAHA WHAT A JOKE BUT YES I WAS CRYING REALLY BAD I just can't take blood. The pain is nth, (I am prolly one of the best absorbers of pain I ever know- physical/emotional) but the blood...... I really couldn't. So I cried a river while breathing really heavily while my cousins comforted (mostly laughed) at my pathetic state. Then my med cousins told me that since the splinter was really tiny, the skin would eject it soon enough and then I sorta calmed down and became invincible again. God. Idk how I'm gonna have kids. I'll prolly faint huh. So that's my phobia. The one and only that really gets to me. But all is well, (the splinter's still embedded in my skin) but I have 5 books to feast my eyes upon (THE CATCHER IN THE RYE) so everything is alright. Yes. Thank you and goodnight. 

Cry

Glee is so depressing. Correction. Seeing Rachel's ache is depressing. God I feel like crying.

Fast car.

Church was fun today (as usual) with every passing week I'm getting more excited for camp heh belicia's starting to be afraid of the idea of us bunking tgt........... HAHAHA. WELL SHE SHOULD BE. never fail to be made fun of in church SIGH used to it anyway. I came up with chem pick up lines while studying for chem. I honestly am pretty proud of it but obviously they don't get my wit! Meh. Anyhoo I've decided to get my own mike....or mini bar. But a mike would be a better choice I guess. Gonna save up! Or get one online! Which would be pretty much cheaper than one from Funan. Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Don't rain on my parade.

So, the past week's been pretty hectic. But on the bright side, I'm left with 5 papers (3 subjects). Go go go baby! I found out that Rachel (from Glee) screwed up her NYADA audition and I know its stupid but this is starting to have an adverse effect on me. I'm starting to rethink everyth I have so recently planned out. Foolproof? Far from that. The importance of 'realising my dreams' (as corny as it sounds) is starting to sink in and I can feel this burden on my skin. I want so so so badly to leave this place. I feel so suffocated, deprived and in desperate need of smth new. What if, like Rachel, I screw up at the most crucial point? I cannot take the risk. I cannot lose sight of my footing. This deserves more than what I can offer.
God I'm sounding pretty retarded now. But motivation is better than none right? So I will be fearless, no matter how tragic I am, come what may, come what may, I will love you till my dying day.

I will follow you into the dark.

It would be complete, I repeat, complete suicide if I acted on a rush of blood to the head and blamed everyth on impulse. It would either, 1) prolly reduce(destroy?) any tiny hope of salvation. Or 2) have some form of closure. Good/bad, doesn't matter. It's almost easy, from the words of Barney 'Dont think. Just do.' Perfect solution for picking up chicks maybe, but definitely not for the situation. How can you do smth that invokes so much thoughts w/o thinking? Some things I understand enough to forgo, others, well. Of course I still care. Of course I am concerned. But now that we're both estranged within our own  consuming minds it'll be technically impossible to evoke the same effect like I used to. Perhaps I wasn't good enough. Maybe. Maybe. We get jaded don't we? After all the turmoil we've each been through. And we get old. You can feel it from the weight of your heart. Or maybe its grown so light since you constantly shut ppl out, maybe letting a few in. Memories are trigger happy. At least mine are. Maybe I should've been more understanding. Because 2 years on, I've come to realise that what you were feeling back then was prolly incomprehensible for my then half filled mind. Yes, I only have myself to blame. I got tired of constantly pressing my ideas into your imprintless mind, hoping they'll leave a mark. You're weary. Your energy comes and goes. Don't we all? A phase of life? Yes. Definitely. But why does it happen so often to me? Thank me and vanish completely? My words weren't shallow or empty. So why why why? But at least the current situation is pretty much salvage-able. So perhaps.
And this. Well. There's nothing much I've left to say. So be it. Whatever new wrecking news presented to me, it doesn't matter. Whatever that happens now does not alter what's already been done. Too late to apologize? Yes. Yes indeed. Not like there ever was one though. Because I choose not to bother anymore, because I made up my mind, I will not falter. It doesn't matter anymore.