you are more than just a dream

yupz I was right, the 'cooking is a fine art' phrase I entered (full of high hopes for myself) pretty much fizzled like the Harlem Shake fad (whats the difference between a fad and a trend??) Ever since the lacklustre responses from my first audience (just my fam) I have not stepped into the kitchen with the mindset of creation but rather just looking for smth to eat (on a sidenote, I have been losing weight since I started school but NO I DO NOT FEEL SKINNIER SO IT DOESNT COUNT) Tim was like 'maybe you should've put your heart and soul into it' WELL THANKS MANN so long frying pans and recipes, till later when I have recovered from this harrowing episode. SO I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO ART. You can't try to do art, you just do art but I'm not talented enough to do art, so I try very very hard and I must say my virgin attempt at painting my laptop case has proved that IM THAT BAD ppl have commented that it looks store bought well thank you I spent very long on it hahaha so I shall venture further into this, test the waters heh.

I guess the reason why I haven't been writing as well has to do with my default state of being happy like I do get waves of loneliness and sadness that creeps and tugs at the corners of my eyes but these moments are only triggered by late night empty musings and recollections of my distant past and maybe movies and sad songs, which does not give me much material to shape and bring to life which is a really devastating thing having said that I can't use this tragedy as solid foundation for my writing, it isnt genuine enough all writers are sad and hopeless in a way I wished I was sad and hopeless and this is a really long sentence. Sighh I am still trying very hard though, reading does help I guess but nit much, you need personal input.

Today Zep suggested a shopping makeover for Jairus and Austin. Its quite funny how Jairus is the only one in JC. Honestly I'm quite thankful Belicia came over to poly its just a feeling that I cant describe. Zep actually dresses quite well I take back my words about him dressing sloppily HAHAHA sorry xx The ppl in NP are very friendly, I've pretty much retarded through my whole life (using it as a verb here) and simple things I fail to be able to do and the ppl here are kind enough to offer their help thank you very much school is pretty fun even though Belicia's modules ARE BASICALLY LIT LIKE I DID NOT LEAVE THE SOUTH SIDE FOR THIS (mean girl reference which pretty much didn't make sense) BUT I WANT LIT I WANT LIT SO MUCH UGHHHHHHHHHHHH but okaye I like my course too (this might be too early to say but I'm just gonna presume lets see what Future Kristie says lol) I do miss my SA classmates though today I forgot I was from SA too, and my XMS friends but I'm like my new school too heh.

The weather reminds me of Taiwan.

I'm better off when I hit the bottom

I'll be honest I haven't listened to ALL your covers but nights like these when I feel tinier than I alr am, when I feel like a speck flickering , my soul -- a spark threatening to be extinguished (kidding I'm not so dramatic) I listen to the about 100 whatsapp covers I have in my phone you've sent me over the past year and I don't feel so alone anymore. I know we hardly meet and all and its smth I need to get used too but I miss my best friend and sometimes it just sucks when my bff4lyf is 5eva busy but I understand. And I'm happy that you've found ppl you can relate too but it scares me a little that you might forget about me and leave me behind I'm not gonna lie. But then again I need to look at the big picture and I've still got all these assorted covers (some suck others are marvellous HAHA) and well I guess I just have to live with it. Most songs have rhythms that do not exactly match up and missung lyrics (is that even a word???) Or lines that go wayward and pitching that doesn't quite hit the notes or random squeals and cracks in your voice but I'm just being an ass, you sing so much better than I can and prolly 70% of the world's population and I hope you don't forget how talented you are and that this Max over here needs her Caroline very much

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the shoe theory

After a week in school, I have stumbled across a fascinating theory that SHOES ARE THE ULTIMATE TELL TALE SIGN IF SOMEONE HAS GOOD DRESSING SENSE and this is very true and applicable and relevant. I started noticing this while climbing up the overhead bridge to go to school. As the stairs tend to be kinda steep, you can usually notice the footwear of the ppl in front of you cuz its usually at eye level??? (or issit just me??) And some ppl have lovely classy shoes etc boat shoes, mocassins, raised shoes, loafers and boots.... Its so easy to mimic fashion trends since they are so available so you have ppl dressed appropriately with the usual preppy aztec/tribal prints (honestly getting very boring) paired with skirts/shorts/berms like I CANT COUNT ON 2 HANDS THE NUMBER OF PPL DRESSED LIKE THAT but what really makes my day is when I see girls dressed in loud jeans/pants or skirts that reach their ankles and shirts with prints of ambiguous nature YOU CAN NEVER BE OVERDRESSED PPL NEED TO REALISE THAT having said that it doesn't mean you wear barely there clothes to school BUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT. SHOES ARE IMPT AND UNDERRATED like you see someone dressed nicely but you dont look at their shoes WHY??? I will look at shoes now cuz they tell you so much more than what they're wearing. I mean ppl dont usually put effort into choosing their shoes and the ppl that do, REALLY CARE ABOUT HOW THEY TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES AND I LIKE THAT VERY MUCH oxfords are smart but pls do not bring back the trend, toms need to disappear forever and sneakers are a must have. Boots are a staple but I really love loafers and boat shoes, shoes that older ppl wear it just shows how much class one has IT REALLY DOES and I am completely in love with boat shoes (Sperry). Also, guys who wear funky pullovers are realllllllllllly doing it right even though the weather is pure torture but sadly there are only a handful of guys who channel their inner bromo-aj which is quite sad cuz nth is more attractive than a guy who dresses up AND GIRLS WHO FLAUNT THEIR STYLE BE IT FLORAL/VINTAGE/PUNK/DENIM ON DENIM pls continue to do so it really makes my day thank you

how time is measured

92 days
does not justify the catastrophic affairs of ache
and is not the most accurate description
of how long I have since attempted to count your
intricate lashes
and wonder how there are stars etched on your face
or even feel the murmur of my heart in its cavity
buzz and buzz and buzz

the proper measurement of time should be:
91 nights of endless wandering within the infinite confines of my mind
a few moments gathered in my palms which I unknowingly smother while trying to preserve them
an album of 16 songs on shuffle
reminders of my incompetence
(honey I could never measure up to you)

ocean eyes?
no, I still believe you have stars in your eyes
while I, have seas for eyes
You and I,
like the seas and stars
bounded by imaginary boundaries
will never meld into one

learning how to be domestic

Or rather, how to improve what pathetic culinary skills I possess. Is cooking considered an Art? Or skill? I guess its both since ppl are so passionate in their beliefs in what they put on the stove and what scents whiff out after they're done. I've never considered myself as a wannabe chef but IDK MAYBE ITS A PHASE MAYBE ITS A WHAT, half-quarter life crisis (i had to google if there was such a term) OR LIKE A JULIE & JULIA MOMENT but girlfriend i am working that stove. Starting from tmr, I resolve to cook dinner once a week, I'm gonna try Sloppy Joe tmr.. I've never even eaten it before, much less been to America but I was thinking of what to cook that isn't too physically demanding with a high chance of burning up the kitchen AND I THOUGHT OF MOD FAM AND JAY WAS COOKING SLOPPY JAYS AND I WAS LIKE YES I COULD DO THAT and so here's my menu for dinner tmr!

Sloppy Joe
Bean Salad

I KNOW there's like minimal cooking you can't really cook a salad but I need greens in my dinner and hells no am I gonna make fruit salad I hate fruit salad I really do, I'm a sucker for beans though so yay me!! The only time I ever cooked unsupervised was when I was having cramps and hells to the no was I gonna buy food from opposite so I cooked instant noodles and THATS WHEN MY INNER JAMIE OLIVER SNEAKED OUT LIKE 'HEY WHY NOT COOK IT DRY?? WAIT WHAT NO SAUCE? CREATE YOUR OWN!' and 'OH YOU'RE REALLY BORING WHY NOT ADD AN EGG???' which lead to 'how do you cook an egg do you just throw it in me the noodles but wont it stick and become all soggy ugh kris you are disgusting' but eventually I did throw it in and it did cook and the sauce was horrid but I didn't die so yeah. But I would't count instant noodles as cooking though so tmr shall be my first time OMG PLS I DONT WANNA POISON MY FAM and damnit my Mac needs to stop changing my 'tmr' to 'tar' IT IS NOT A TYPO

The reason why I decided to try my hand at cooking is cuz I can't bake for nuts I pretty much suck at baking and I tried baking a few times myself and aw mann baking is just really gay no offence to bakers and gays (I love bakers and gays) but I'm just not cut out for sieving flour and softening butter and scraping the mix etc nah my baked goods will put the baking world to shame I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS COOKING THING WOULD WORK OUT but I will try and if I fail, I still have the rest of my life to figure it out.

On a sidenote, I've been exercising I HAVE BICEPS NOW IM NOT KIDDING PLS ASK TO FEEL THEM (the only things I'll allow to be touched LOL) they are very shapely HAHAHA okaye all these talking of food is making me hungry I wonder how I even survived my waitress stint. Kinda miss it though after watching 2BG. Gonna marinate my mince beef tonight yay AND PPL BETTER NOT START WEARING BOAT SHOES IM GONNA FLIP IF THEY DO THEY BETTER NOT CUZ THEYRE THE ONLY KIND OF SHOES THE WHOLE WORLD IS NOT ONTO THIS IS MY DISCOVERY, MY SHOE SO BACK OFF HIPSTERS BACK OFF

I bloody need you

Sigh I'm completely inconsolable I can't find my old school ipod nano of 7 years I'm devastated I'm pretty sure its at home somewhere but I can't rmb where I'm going to cry ALL OUR MMRS BABY I MISS YOU MORE THAN I LOVE YOU CAN YOU PLS COME BACK BABY I CANNOT DO THIS W/O YOU AND YOU KNOW I'M NOT LYING pls come back pls pls pls

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