premature quarter life crisis

been feeling so inconsequential and pointless ever since school started i think i might be experiencing above said title and i feel so ridiculous cuz i. am. not. pushing. myself. and it irks me so that my lack of ambition is slowly taking over my thoughts and forming distaste towards school and life in general, more specifically, life in sg. i am so mad at myself for creating such a huge distinction between passion and ambition how i use passion as an excuse for not pushing myself stretching or whatevs and i am so disgusted with myself, my laziness and my pathetic excuses how can i say i hate school when i am actually doing smth i like??? well it is not smth i love or adore or smth i live for but ahh! this is what i wanted and now i just want to back out??? kris get your shit tgt and get back into your groove would i categorise my intense dislike for school as a 'premature quarter life crisis'? well maybe not but other than that, lately I've been feeling so so hollow and minuscule like while i am doing 'things' in school, other 17 year olds are running photography art blogs or winning olympic medals and here i am with all my self will and heart, just a tiny speck how do i feel important? at least i am addressing this issue with myself ok good job kris ice just gotta suck it up and find joy even in the most mundane tasks cuz THATS WHAT YOU WANTED BITCH AND NOW YOU GOT IT many days i feel like my life is spiralling out of control that its all going downhill from here and even now when I've got so much going on in my life right now, I'm not feeling any of it and it kinda scares me, my nonchalance, because to not feel will be losing the very essence of being alive and to simply exist is not what i was put on earth for. i want to leave. so badly. to leave and not come back till I'm full again. full and pregnant with the world, i could do that. i could pack my bags and walk. the only thing keeping me from doing that are the last remaining shreds of practicality and sense i retain. i think i still have things left in sg waiting for me to complete before i can really really turn and run or whatev like maybe my soulmate is waiting for me here (lol) but there must be a reason and i should probably stop romanticising every situation (i.e. the soulmate waiting) but ok this is just a phase i will get out of this (hopefully)