why do i always want to be someplace else?

Anatomy

Anatomy 

Come unload your burdens,

Burdens in your shrieking and whispers.

Whispers float to rest on collarbones,

Collarbones that became an intimate collection of tears

(Tears when they shed their poetic articles, are essentially salt).

Salt; process before or after I lick your wounds,

Wounds, so many ways to bruise- you are my favourite.

Favourite alignment of cartilage, flesh, wax and bones,

Bones reduced to dust and ash, scatter a trail begging for you to follow

Follow- I'll wait for you to come.

- Miki, Kris

took turns writing a line each during lecture with the following challenge in mind: the last word of each line is the same as the first word of the next line and also the last word of the poem has to be the same as the first word of the poem.

can you guess who wrote what hahahaah this is actually really fun

grabbing life by the ears

ppl often say 'grab life by the balls/horns' but i like ears. like i am not being too invasive but at the same time i maintain some form of aggression anyway miki and i have started to write a line of poetry each during lectures with different challenges and themes and here is one we did with vic

theme: write an instructional poem to person you have *harsh feelings for*

           begin line with only verbs

Instructions For You

Click for flame

Lacerate my initials on your cheek

Shed my skin off your mutilated bones

(unzip- beginning from the crown to the back of your head and down the spine).

Take a chisel, hack at your ridges. I want hairlines, not fragments.

Wield a rope, tie a noose and snap.

Douse self in kerosene, stand 20 feet away from all civilians but in front of a mirror 

Watch self spontaneously combust.

Witness the caricature, mock your reflection

Notice my presence flourishing in your wake-

supply oxygen so you never burn out

Savour the moment

as your soul rises above the flames and hisses

at the toxicity of your aura.

Congratulations, Hell crowns its new Queen.

- Miki, Vic, Kris

can you tell who wrote which lines HAHA give you a hint, the order goes like this, Miki -> me -> Vic and Miki again. yay fun times in lectures (wrote this on the cookie wrapper from subway because we are pretentious lol) JK

you said i killed you- haunt me then

compiled a list of quotes that 'send shivers down my spine' and i keep them on the sticky pad on my desktop so i read them from the corner of my eye whenever i use my lappy but IT IS GONE nevertheless i can rmb some of them and one of which (title of post) RESONATES SO DEEPLY IN MY CORE ouch my heart sometimes i read some fragments that JUST MAKE MY HEART ACHE like wow how do you manage to craft such exquisite emotions into words??????

1) was LRR's bday ytd, sis and I went to support her at her guitar concert haha so many embarrassing things occurred which i will talk in detail about later. we sat at the front row HAHA what a great view anyway i realized that ive never really attended much choral concerts/performances but instrumental and ensembles can be so capable of teleportation of the mind lolol like that time i attended the Brandenburg concertos and even though it was just a single performer in the dome you just feel like every single note draws out some sort of longing to be someplace else and for a moment, you are.

anyway sis and i were at the entrance where we had to get admittance and i realized that i couldn't find my ticket anywhere so naturally i panicked and we went back to where we were seated earlier and combed the entire area and checked our bags/wallets/pockets but to no avail. alas i had this dreadful realization that perhaps i could have accidentally chucked it in the bin while clearing our sushi and so we stood around the bin and i just thought 'heck it' so i reached my arm in and tossed around for the plastic bag WHICH I FOUND AND I UNTIED IT AND LO AND BEHOLD IT WAS THERE LOL i have nth to say this is my newest low in life try to fight me

and then while we were walking from RP to Causeway Point we got slightly lost so we decided to walk across the mega huge field cuz CP was opposite, thinking that we would get there eventually. but look at how wrong we were. when we reached the end of the field, WE REALIZED IT WAS A LITERAL EDGE LIKE WE WERE AT THE EDGE OF THE FIELD AND WE COULDN'T GET DOWN IT WAS A GRADIENT LIKE A STEEP GRADIENT LOL so defeated we trudge to the side of the field and i stepped in mud and my whole leather boot was CAKED was a very sad day :'( FOR 1 SECOND HAHAHA oh yes saw steph she is so cute she is like the more garang proactive version of WHAT I WANT TO BE teach me how to be fearless pls this guy from the ensemble was literally IN EVERY SINGLE PERFORMANCE PUT UP so annoying hahahaah but jk if you're talented you are allowed to flaunt it as much as you want he was very talented i can only dream to be as good as him happy 18 LRR you are very important to me and i am very grateful you are as strange as i am and as delusional too maybe thats why we are best mates HAHAHAAH i love you <3 camera="" for="" get="" haha="" hope="" i="" it="" like="" lol="" maybe="" myself="" nbsp="" one="" p="" really="" the="" u="" will="">
(I SAW LIT GODDESS YTD OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO SHY TO SAY HI IT OK I WILL MEET HER SOONER OR LATER)

2) lately ive been veering towards electronica???? which is a drastic turn from my usual alt rock but but WOW chet faker baby HE IS SO INCREDIBLE AND MO i am unable to type o with the slash across but yes MO has an O with the slash across I FEEL LIKE STRUTTING DOWN THE TRAVELATORS AT THE AIRPORT IN A BLACK SUIT AND SHADE WHEN I LISTEN TO CHET FAKER LOL what a great tune will listen to Sohn and Flume too

3) i find myself yearning japanese/taiwanese countrysides and towns further illustrated in Studio Ghilbi films ie From up a Poppy Hill and Girl Who Leaped Through Time (not a Miyazaki film) imagine living by the sea and cycling to school in white and navy uniforms (lightly salted) ah what a time to live in soon soon i will live there in approximately less than 10 years time i am so excited :)) 

simultaneously unravelling and self-destructing

it is only Day 3 of Year 2 and i feel like its gonna be a long, horrid, torturous 7 weeks to the June hols. last sem i had recurring feelings of dread and 'drowning in air' and feeling miserable all of a sudden during lectures and when going home which is strange since everyday i looked forward to the end of the school day and funny thing was while reaching the end of the sem i felt this insane motivation and i did not even experience said symptoms even though there was a whole avalanche of things due but i knew that the sem was ending lol but this sem alr feels like hell but ok i will aim to look on the brightside of things.... graduating in about a year's time!!!!!!! yay!!!!! (lol who am i kidding i still have 2 more years)

1) using this temp mac and i deduced with my sherlock set of skills that it had at least 3 previous owners

• a girl from TP
• a malay guy
• a guy from SMU Business (more specifically from Accountancy)

and one of which is a massive kpop fan lol i feel so unsafe with all my info kept on this 'shared secret' but anyway the malay guy and guy from SMU Business might actually be the same person but yes malay guy left his insta acc logged in AND I HAVE ACCESS TO IT HAAHHA preethika took the opportunity and liked the guy's old pictures and commented a string of malay words on his own pics too i wonder if he notices??? and my cramps feel like a rock has been lodged right in my uterus i think its making up for the previous time when it did not hurt at all the Universe is too selfish, it will always win

FRICK U MACHINES!!!!

knew this day would come sooner or later my mac has finally managed to mess up my life or rather, technology has proven that i'll always lose. i am praying so hard that its the cable that's loose and that the rest of my mac stays intact i hate machines so much man vs machines frick u i miss my mac so much tho i am so unused to the same piece of equipment i get to use on loan but i am thankful that at least i have smth to use. the only thing that'll really hurt should i lose all data is that all my half written, (or alr completed) words are on my stupid mac and yeah sure i have soft copies online but still my unfinished works ugh!!! and my music. my entire collection. i have to restart, seriously Lord what have i done to deserve this i have been a good person :''''''''( shedding tears of sorrow and heartache i can only wait and pray and hopefully by next week this time my baby will be back in my arms lol this also shows how dependent i am on technology im a victim lolol will cry myself to sleep now i am so sad this is not even a joke i know this sounds like a joke but i am really depressed thinking about it and i am alr waiting for the June hols to come. There are 7 weeks in total. this means 7 mondays i have 6 mondays left, now that isn't too bad is it? which also means 6 more episodes of GoT which will bring us to episode 9 WHICH NOW SOUNDS INCREDIBLY FAR AWAY it ok just 6 more mondays.

90'S POP IZ MAH JAM!!!!!

I AM LISTENING TO MY SPOTIFY PLAYLIST NOW AND I HAVE SUCH GREAT TASTE HAHAHA anyway school is starting boo but at least i have things to do now lol

1) went to GBTB with LRR ytd and (lol my playlist is distracting myself from typing i keep singing along instead) had many interesting observances which i will cover in detail later. what a scam the Tulipmania exhibit was only a tiny portion and the rest of the 'Gardens' were the same as they were 2 years ago when I first went.

• it was hella crowded i think we picked the wrong day to go haha SATURATED WITH HUMAN BODIES AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY not that being stuffed in an enclosed room filled with ppl is ever a good thing. but i think 60% of them were tourists lol and the rest of the locals were all young families with frickin kids tbh im very biased i only like 2 kinds of kids. Cambodian or Cute kids. Cute has a very broad definition but sometimes you just know it when you see it. yes I am very exclusive when it comes to what kinds of kids are worthy of my adoration LOL JK but there was so many kids. and they are all so small and miniature they are like animals?!?!? like you can just push or kick them because they are SO SMALL!!!! future soulmate has to be at least 170 and above to ensure our kid(s) do not suffer real talk here am being very serious. and if they turn out to be minions then it really is my 146cm self's fault and i will take the blame sorry future hypothetical kids its in your blood
• there was a queue to enter the Tulipmania exhibit which is ridiculous cuz ultimately you can see everyth from higher levels, so queuing is just like a close up view and the queue was hella long?? so LRR and I found other means to sneak in w/o waiting and (sorry i cannot appreciate nature) but ok la very nice (is all i can say) (will i return??? if you are my loyal fan you would've read that i will not return to GBTB in the next 5 years so there you have it) i am digressing. anyway the queue was really long so us being old and achy we decided to sit amongst the trees to wait it out. and then we spotted a Chinese couple MAKING OUT IN FRONT OF KIDS IN THE OPEN LOL mind you they were not young lovers they were almost hitting 30 and if they were attractive i wouldnt mind BUT UH FELT VERY UNCOMFORTABLE and there was this guy who just looked at them in shock like his whole face was like when you hear some shocking news and you make that expression with your mouth?? yes that face. sorry i am very incoherent. do not blame you if you stopped reading this. i feel like when i blog and when i write i adopt 2 different writing styles lol sometimes when im feeling sad they overlap but im not feeling sad today (i hardly feel miserable anymore so its a good thing and whenever im sad its always about the same few things) (actually just one thing i.e person i fancy) (and miserable would always be about impending future and all my self-induced problems which oddly enough revolve around my impending future) (nowadays all i ever feel sad about is MY IMPENDING FUTURE!!!! AND ADULTHOOD I AM SO BORING) anyway they (the couple) were going on at it for a good 10 mins lol and there were at least 10 kids within that vicinity, that vicinity being the tiny area where LRR and I were resting at with 5 trees planted. 

always a good time with LRR i feel like I can talk to her about the most mundane or wild things, like we can talk about anyth actually with the utmost normality (i am using this word wrongly lol) so lucky to have a best bud like her anyway we got tired again so we sat by a bush (with flowers) i think it was more of a shrub AND THEN WE DID WHAT WE WERE BEST AT!! TAKING SELFIES LOL of each other. here are some pics

~flowers in my hair~

lol funny story. while we literally sat at the curb beside these shrubs i realised that i had lipstick on my teeth (i dont even know how it gets there) and it was very obvious so naturally i panicked and i told LRR i wanted to go to the toilet but that meant i couldnt move my mouth so i decided to use tissue to clean it away BUT WE BOTH DIDNT HAVE ANY LRR suggested using the flowers and in my times of despair i almost did. then i realised that i had the printed etickets in my bag so i tore of a bit and before i started to clean them RIGHT AT THE CURB i told LRR 'shield me' AND THEN I PROCEEDED TO WIPE IT OFF OMG I AM A MESS #whitetrash #gross how to be adult lol (and yeah there were ppl walking by, in fact traffic flow was pretty high ok) DO NOT JUDGE ME!!!!!!
here are some photos:

FOR ONCE A RARITY!!!! I ACTUALLY LOOK GLAM

can u spot my lipstick stained teeth?

#rebel lol my arm looks mega huge here i assure u it is MUSCLE not fat

panorama gone wrong lol actually i was kidding this is my true self 

2) performed at Melizo last night and I really miss being onstage, even for that mere few minutes, and it brings back memories esp of the previous Melizo at SOTA wow i think my favourite venue to perform at is UCC I really felt like a popstar lol but Singapore Indoor Stadium comes to a close second but I didnt get to use the dressing rooms :"( gotta prioritise my life now that there's an upcoming concert at VCH!!! omg VCH!!! i think i had syf there once but whatever VICTORIA FREAKING CONCERT HALL WOW VERY EXCITEZ!!! here are some pics because yknow, i cater visually too ;) 

the 2012 batch 

you see i am actually taller than evelyn ahahha                        sistaa got me a sunflower :))))

annoying best friend who doesnt acknowledge me in public hahah jk 

toose my fave she looks so cute here (check out wanting's wedges)

     david looking so dapper thank you for the rose (dying)

   my beautiful bestie so glad u could come

  me in make up check out evelyn's masterpiece aka my face YOU SEE MY BROWS FOR ONCE THEY LOOK NICE 

and because this is titled 90's pop, here is my playlist i created --> karaoke

have a great week ahead 

there's always this fear. that every time I am finished with writing a piece, I can never write again. As much as I love writing, it is actually very emotionally/physically draining and I often scoff at my incompetency, how my lit god and goddesses carry 500x the emotional weight compared to me but alas I cannot measure up to them. I feel like part of my heart has been cut out after I'm done and sometimes writing flows so easily, other times I spend days typing then retyping until I get what want. Or rather when I manage to peel out what I want from myself. I am not a perfectionist I want things done the most efficient way. But words they always make me try and try and try until I do. 

Typing this on the app has made it impossible to create a link but here is a blog LRR and I created 2 days ago dedicated to words (my tireless affair with words) we accept submissions for our themed weeks and this week theme is 'chasing after death'. www.kierasommer.tumblr.com

Kiera because that's gonna be one of the possible names for my future hypothetical kid and sommer because it is LRR's favourite word. Goodnight may I learn to increase my emotional threshold 

I exist only in 2 extremes, 2 thresholds, 2 ends of a spectrums. I want to be so rich I reek of the stench of banknotes. Wads and wads of filthy banknotes. So rich and iconic that Kate spade or Mulberry christens a bag after me. That I'll have immediate access to any VIP event/table/lounge... Anyth marked with these three letters, synonymous to my name. I want to be rich. 

Yet at the same time money does not matter to me. I am completely willing to live on minimum salary at sea or overseas , anywhere but here writing and writing and writing till my hands ache, till my ink bleeds dry. 

But if I were to choose between the 2 of course I'd rather be rich in fact I'm willing to take up business and finance just to become a stockbroker (watching too much of WOWS) but that would be the ultimate self betrayal but one day i strive to be rich, so much so it's slowly becoming my life motto: get rich or die trying 

carpenter

you saw through my heart
with rusty edge, crooked teeth,
what are you making?

work bitch has been on repeat while i attempt to ~*refine/define/sharpen*~ my abs LOL PLS WHAT ABS but kae says my obliques are defined -sunglasses emoji- but everyone starts somewhere and ya better work bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!

when punctuation becomes a state

i am

but a comma,

curved, curled, curt- 

an accented checkpoint

'please pause before proceeding'

'did you leave anything behind?'

'you have travelled thus far'

'there is more waiting for you'

'please continue'

i am a delay

no- haste, no- hurry 

(you will eventually arrive at the end)

a mere indicator

a polite gesture

wondering what is it i am delaying you from,

with advancing towards what lies ahead?

my bud

4 years isn't a very large age gap but it's large enough for us to render us hopeless when it came down to communication and interests. We're actually opposites Tim likes cats, I'm more of a dog person, Tim likes building and structuring objects, with mechanics, tools PHYSICS, I find solace in bleeding words out (bleeding because it is so painful when I cannot write anymore and also, sometimes it flow so naturally) Tim listens to dubsteps, instrumentals, songs so hipster/underground you can't download them from anywhere, I on the other hand need poetry in songs, thus Coldplay, snow patrol, Tom Odell. Few things in common: we have the same smile, we both like marvel movies, we are both creators, Tim wants to be an animator, I, a writer. We cannot do sports and we were both once inspired to master the piano in a week. Our whatsapp conversations consists of us sending pics of stray cats to each other. 4 years apart but Tim's still my baby brother and he is slowly evolving to become cooler than I am PLS STOP I WILL FOREVER REMAIN THE COOLER SIBLING but yeah I always joke about how great (and rich) i would be if I was the only child and I know I once told you that you were adopted but I'm glad you were born on Friday the 13th in 2000 :)))) happy siblings day Tim 

I do not know the meaning of 'I love you' but I think, what I meant was 'I'd rather be destroyed by you'.

i am not good at math

it is known that there are 6 people roaming the earth with the same face. i am assuming that there are 5 other identical pairs of your eyes choking with oceans, the same intensity no less- saturated with salt, whip lash and envy. 5 accidental dimples caved into the bump adjacent to your nose, like an afterthought, a careless nip and 5 other identical facial structures of yours, cheekbones completely sculpting the topography of your face(s) (so that they diverge paths, when your oceans overflow). and maybe there are 5 more voices that melt like butter, replicas of you that chuckle at the strangest, most mundane of matters, that elicit copious amounts of life in me and loathe chemistry as much as the quantum of atoms humming in sync between us. buzz buzz buzz. and if there are 5 other copies of you, what are the odds that i have 5 clones too? maybe amongst the 5 pairs of us the same gravitation exists and my brain is aching at the possibilities of them decussating, converging, trailing into place. and if they are in luck, perhaps timing and chemistry will overlap and somewhere somehow, the reality of us will prevail.

'For there is no competing with the sea in a man's affections, since she is both mother and mistress, and she will wash his corpse also, in time to come, wash it to coral and ivory and pearls' 

adventure time with kris pt 5

sup stalkers and loyal fans i am back from wherever i went to in the past week and update i am still alive OK BRIEF SUMMARY OF KRISTIE'S LYF

1) had so much fun being part of the prog comm aka plogcomm for FBC 2014 i can't believe a year has passed since i entered NP the thought of being Year 2 activates some sorta gag reflex in my system I AM NOT READY FOR THIS!!!!! but anyway the past 2 months have been very fulfilling so much work for 2 days wah wah reminds me of my SLB days which were the worst/best days of my XMS life. the freshies are so cute for some reason even though most of them are one year younger or my age you can feel the difference distinctly when you interact with them lol but im so glad the freshies enjoyed themselves did not spot any XMS juniors other than Cindy literally screamed when i saw her so happy!!! p.s pardon my substandard vocab and repetitive adjectives this is a very obligated post and i am prolly using the wrong form of the word but bear with me

2) a few weeks back i received an email from past Kristie, no i am not tripping, i sent an email to myself which i received only 6 months later, completely forgot about it but when i saw it in my inbox it was a rather pleasant surprise. Funny how so many things can evolve so drastically in 6 months and yet also remain exactly the same. Thinking about the rest of the year and how all my best mates are in JCs makes me feel kinda left out, do not get me wrong i am THANKFUL i do not have to scrape through hell but I'm kinda expecting them to be hella busy and I need to be there for them in any way I can cuz thats what friendship is, it demands no returns

3) been visiting Art Galleries with LRR and i like art ok but sometimes these art pieces are just too abstract like i know you are trying to prove a point BUT WHAT???? and when the viewer (or audience) fails to understand your point after 5- 10 minutes then isn't it considered rather pointless? art is supposed to impact ppl and the world and society etc or you could say that it is an outlet for self-expression and you dont NEED to make your art relatable to strangers but lets say your work of self-expression does not even appeal to strangers then no one is going to appreciate your art other than yourself. lets be real here, ppl are attracted to visually stimulating things and if your work of self-expression is not stimulating, ppl will not give you more than a glance and thats quite tragic because art does not need to be visually stimulating. being an artist is tough and you really need talent too but i find that art with a purpose is always more stunning.

ok that's all folks will post more interesting adventures of kristie after i spend 4 days and 3 nights at home to make up for the 4 days and 3 nights i was away from home. LOL JK (but maybe eh)