so here I lay, I have nothing to feel upset about, neither have I got anything to smile about. here I am adequate and enough, feeling just about enough (enough is never enough, by now I've figured) want to feel the metallic bite of ache straddle my veins, feel it's teeth graze against my bones- yet I have nth to feel for.

want my heart to undo, self mutilate and self destruct malfunction but for what purpose?

lately i haven't felt anyth, no apparent sadness or joy (there are some things that cause minor upsets but nth huge enough to really wreck me) it is not that I crave sadness or romanticize it or whatever fancy terms you use to adorn and glorify sadness but not feeling anyth is slowly becoming a routine, habitual even and I do not want to accept monotony. 

Lord give me a chance to find out how much salt my tears are choking on