siphoned every morsel of my soul

never felt so drained. I just managed to squeeze out 5 poems in a week and honestly I don't even know why I'm doing this not like I would gain anything out from it (but maybe just maybe) I WANT 4K PLZ THANK YOU and i need smth that would look good on my resume pls just take me im so tired of everyth. such a eventful week sigh i dont know why im feeling this way its so annoying i wish i was a cold heartless human with the only goal of making sure gasoline rainbows are appreciated oh yeah i need to tweak some things but then again i wont know the result hahaha screw it la why did i even join the competition im so tired and im feeling like a hundred different ppl folded into one and i really need a sustainable healthy distraction i dont feel like sleeping i have to wake up at 6 tmr its only a few more hours i'd rather read and be shallow in my sad sallows hey there's alliteration there for you god im so pretentious LOL POEMS DON'T EVEN NEED TO MAKE SENSE DAMNIT IM SAD AND LIFE SUCKS

teenage dirtbag is basically the soundtrack to my lyf

the glass is shattering so loudly i am actually wincing and scoffing at myself oh god oh dear what have i done to deserve this omg nEver AGAIN

ah this sucks gimme a bug or smth to wipe out every single memory it hurts everywhere

The Sibling Off Limits Theory

I AM STILL VERY ANGRY/DISAPPOINTED/BETRAYED/CHEATED ARGHH SLAMS DOOR PUNCHES WALL RIPS OUT POSTERS DAMNIT LA FOREVER THE LAST TO KNOW URGH NOt once but twice guys cmon CMONNN COME ON

Maybe it's just me but I find it weird if your sibling dates someone your age or issit just me? E.g your younger sibling is dating someone older than you Like how are you supposed to behave around whoever their dating?!?!?! I would elaborate more but it seems to me I'm the only one who thinks this way I need to do more research and gather more feedback and responses.

And I hope you two are happy mann don't need be discreet anymore la its kinda obvious AND EVEN THOUGH I ASKED YOU SO MANY TIMES YOU ALWAYS DENIED BUT ITS OKAYE I FORGIVE YOU (just like your sister LOL) hahaha but damnit la at least tell me next time

loneliness

It is the last word that concludes a book,
the lingering ache imprinted in the waves of my mind
the echolalia of whywhywwhywhywhy
the blitz of unwanted questions
in which I am the victim
and the knowledge that i've been shortchanged
the mist on my glasses
the stolen glances that mark as a cachet for the many instances i've lost
(every single time)
(without fail)
(i always do)
it is the button that leads me to temporal Heigira
but mostly, it is the perpetual gnawing of flashes and unremarkable recollections
and the default state of my mind

Day 2&3 of Vaycay

Woke up to an American Breakfast, (they always taste good so I can't judge if they were really good LOL) Went banana boating and its honestly the greatest thing on earth (rather sea) I kid you not its like you're riding a unicorn/dragon thingy and its awesome mann my face hurt from all the salt LOL but what if the straps broke I haven't thought of that. We went pretty far from the shore its kinda scary since the sea in all its vastness holds many unknowns. Went for a dip after that I got pretty tan right after it BUT NOW IM WHITE AGAIN LOL (not being racist)
Had my first mani ever wah I felt so pampered I really want a massage like those spa treatments but its k that can wait. The staff here are all so friendly and polite reminds me of Taiwan though (the ppl not the environment) but the haze was pretty bad today la anyway its good to be back in SG been having sad dreams lately kinda sucks though since my dreams are always so vivid and realistic I hope they don't haunt my lonely mind anymore xx

Day One of Vaycay

Am currently typing this while slacking after lunch, a satisfying affair of martabak. Spy with my little eye 2 ladies and one of which looks like a man pretty sure they're from Thailand 

Our rooms are connecting rooms quite cool and we spent the whole afternoon frolicking by the pool and a monkey appeared I swear it was staring into my soul xx 

Walked along the kelong and I'm pretty sure we trespassed a couple's private dining LOL and we're having dinner at a jap restaurant and the whole place is empty except for us AND HE'S COOKING TEPPANYAKI FOR US LIVE AHH

this charming man

1) cut my hair the shortest its been in years HAHA I look like LRR according to Sistaa
2) been listening to The Smiths for the whole day and damn they're like my work jam like you have playlists for different things. Like Paramore while hitting the gym, I Will Possess Your Heart for pre work and guilty pleasure tunes and well, they go so well with writing like their melancholic piano riffs kinda turns some creative faucet on ;)
3) been noticing smth lately, friends have been poking fun waaaaaaaaaay more than I expected even on their own wah shiz HAHA its honestly quite funny but cmon guise, lay off a little la HAHA thank you though xx
4) cant wait to sink my toes into the sand and feel the salt on my cheeks hehe vaycay here i come watch out hot boys (lol pls realize that i am kidding) (or am i) HAHA

Portland Cello Project Covering Kanye West "All of the Lights"

'Hi, I'm Ted Mosby. In exactly 45 days from now, you and I are gonna meet and are gonna fall in love, and we're gonna get married and we're gonna have two kids. We're gonna love them and each other so much. All that is 45 days away, but I'm here now I guess because ... I want this extra 45 days with you. I want each one of them - and if I can't have them, I'll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face, because ... I love you. I'm always gonna love you to the end of my days, and beyond. You'll see.' - Ted 

Head's been hurting since afternoon :( prolly the earliest I'm sleeping in months anyway Tim can be such a jerk sometimes I think he's mature enough to have a decent conversation with then he goes ahead and spoils all my good intentions by being spoilt/rude/annoying/ridiculous and I am so done. 

Completely unrelated note, been wanting to go for pink dot for awhile now ever since sec 2 but I never got the chance and I really wanna go this year I really hope I can but I can alr forsee all the backlash coming my way aye 

k my head really hurts imma sleep now goodnight lonely minds xx 

I guess there's a Ted in all of us, sometimes its more visible sometimes its just beneath the surface and a little scratch is enough to expose the hopeless romantic within. Well, it doesn't even have to be a romantic but maybe just a silly wish that you'll meet the One asap. And seeing Ted being all beaten up and blue made me kinda pensive like he had the worst year but he's still hanging around doing architecture and stuff and even though I always thought his character was ridiculous well at least he knows what he wants in life and even though he's not there yet he's always trying. And I still have no idea what I want but maybe I'm still young but I can't be 17 forever can you believe it in 3 years I'm gonna be 20 and then the next imma be an adult I CANT HANDLE THIS but their 30 and they haven't gotten they're lives figured out so it isn't so bad right? Ah damnit himym always makes me think about my life (but this was S5, S8 is seriously lacking except the The Final Page episode and the episode where Ted's wife was found to be living nearby.) I think I am too emotionally invested/involved in this show but damn, I get all my life lessons from sitcoms

This is the story of how I met your father PART 1

Okaye I decided why not??? Kids, here's the story of how I met your father. My earliest memory of ever liking someone was when I was 5 and at that time I understood the whole concept of 'love' through television and of course my understanding was completely warped and lame. I was 5 you can't expect much from my tiny brain and tiny heart. Anyway the first boy I liked was this kid in my class in Kindergarten and he had tiny eyes and sported a crew cut and he was tan and that's all I rmb of him I wasn't even sure why I liked him I just did but like my fickle distracted mind back then, my 'feelings' vaporised. When you're a kid most of the time you have no idea what's going on and sometimes I get random jolts of memories but honestly I cannot tell if I dreamt it up or if they actually occurred so then again maybe this 5 year old boy never existed. Okaye I'll start on smth more substantial (this is very real btw) I was 9 and I went to school everyday with this boy on the same school bus (he lived nearby) and he had tiny eyes too but his features were very delicate and I found him to be very dashing. Then I was really awkward with puberty and all that growing (yes I grew) I had short hair (mushroom head) and was far from being attractive (even now I still am LOL SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE HAHAHAHA) ANYHOO I was really uncomfortable in my own skin but I was very sure that I liked him and even though I knew he would never feel the same I continued. Back then I was in this clique with 3 other girls and we were all young and silly and naive and we all confided in one another about our crushes AND FOR SOME REASON THE THREE OF THEM JUST DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT I SAW IN THE BOY I LIKED. Like alright he was a little childish (but who isn't when they're 9?!) CMON and they didn't think he was charming like I did but it was a crush. So there's that. I rmb this instance when we were in the bus and I needed a dictionary for English and he offered to lend me his BUT I STUPIDLY SAID NO OMG hahaha I was so shy I hid behind a whole facade that I was smarter than him but honestly I was very smitten its so funny and stupid LOL When I was 10 to 12 I didn't have crushes at all maybe cuz I hung out with only Giogi and Gordy and Jeremy and his gang and the only girl friends I had were Giogi and maybe 4-5 other girls but we were't very close (I was only close to George) and I didn't have feelings for them so yeah THAT WAS MY LIFE my secondary school was more complicated and tragic I wince when I think about it but I shall continue sometime later. Anyway the funny thing is George is really close to my P3 crush now LOL AT MY LYF

Time means nothing

Best night ever 

Pretty amazing how I don't associate Snow P's songs or Coldplay's to a memory or anyone for that matter. 

I don't know how many times I've said this but 3 years ago I (being the wimp that I am) was completely shattered and desolate about the fact that my life will never be anything close to an adventure (often I associate adventure with leaving the country and travelling aboard to embark on pale streets and strange air) and I was sad for almost a month and it didn't help that my close friends were always going to far flung places only my mind can reach and god it was torturous up till now I've haven't shaken off the notion, only let it breed and harvest and of course its back greater than ever and maybe I'm being silly saying this but I really do want very very very much to leave SG and not come back for a long time I see all these culture and smells and I want to let every inch of air seep through my pores and reverberate   in my whole being (and now I sound creepy)  I want to taste heartache and temptation within graffiti addled walls and cobbled streets and maybe that is why I love airports and the sea so much. I am afraid of drowning, terrified actually but the crests bring some sense of calmness and I wouldn't mind spend the rest of my tragic life on a ship

now you don't

AMAZING DAY OUT WITH MY BESTIES.

1) had the best burger ever I am not kidding. Was watching the hamburger episode of HIMYM and darn the way Marshall described that perfect succulent piece of sandwich JUST MESSED ME UP REAL BAD and so we ate at NYNY and damn. That was prolly the best burger I ever tasted. Not the Mac's crap but actual beef morsels and sauce. The cheese could've been more melted and the stringy the sauce wasn't too much so that was good but THE BUNS COULD'VE BEEN BIGGER ;) OVERALL BEST BURGER I EVER TASTED AHHH.

2) Now You See Me is unlike any other movie I have watched and IT IS SO MINDBLOWING I WAS BASICALLY SQUEALING IN MY SEAT THE WHOLE TIME LIKE WHATS GOING ON ITS SO UNBELIEVABLE what if my friends are magicians/mentalists WHAT IF. AND ALL THESE WHILE I HAVE BEEN UNKNOWINGLY AIDING THEM IN LIKE THE GREATEST HEIST OF ALL TIME wah damn paranoid sia. PLOT TWIST BTW KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED.  I DONT THINK I'LL EVER GET OVER IT

3) Yknow there's a Triumph at AMK Hub and there's a display area at the store front and a backdrop of this lady in lingerie and then George noticed this kid about 5 years old??? standing in the display area in front of the poster and he was smirking at everyone who saw him and he WAS PLAYING WITH A PLASTIC CUT OUT OF A DRESS LIKE HE KEPT MOVING BACK AND FORTH PRESSING HIS NOSE ON THE PLASTIC CUT OUT AND GRINNING AT EVERYONE it was so funny omg like son you are only 5 why are you alr lusting over women

4) I suck at taking polaroids

5) I AM KEEPING MY HOPES UP HEH

6) Friends have remarked that I remind them of Lily hehehe well thank you she's pretty bada$$

there comes a time every night when my mind becomes almost dormant when I am too tired to even disassemble my thoughts from feelings to situations and presently I am experiencing that with gordy on facetime i've been listening to him for 3 hours w/o actually looking at his face and god i am very tired but i cant sleep cuz im sweating buckets is this what being high feels like like im not even thinking straight and im swetying alot o[mg my brain is malfunctioning oh gof

Stealth Mode

Went back to SA today! Well, more like kidnapped cuz Joy said it was okaye to enter the school without uniform BUT GUESS WHAT NO WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TOO. So she found me a shirt and skirt to wear and oh mann I miss my 13A02 so much :( I crashed Miss Quek's lecture SHE STILL RMBS ME HEH and used my Mac haha #yolo #$wag and then I spoke to her during the break hehe and i even answered a question lecture (Why is it harder for an individual to reject society?) And she said 'Thank you Kristie' HAHA but just spending a few hours there made me realise that heading to NP was a right decision. I mean yeah it feels familiar but I felt so suffocated in there like the walls were all dull and dreary and idk mann maybe cuz it was raining but yeah saw Weilin and Jairus and Shaun and had a good time catching up with my bus buddy 4 lyf heh Chantelle was like 'wah lucky you escaped' HAHAHA oh mann I'm sure you guys will be fine!! I can pretty much be a spy now mann sneaking around agent 007 xx the name is T, Kri$-T.

This is the story of how you almost had a gay dad

IDK WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CRY EITHER WAY I'VE LOST AND at least I have an epic story bless me and my pathetic soul xx  

k here's the thing whenever I listen to my iPod on shuffle, The Killers don't really play but recently THEY'VE BEEN PLAYING CONSECUTIVELY IT SCARES ME LIKE WHAT IS THE UNIVERSE TRYNA TELL ME!?!? And. I tried telling myself if the next song that comes up is a Killer song.... It's a clear sign AND GUESS WHAT IT IS AHHHHH I AM VERY CONFUSED CUZ I WANNA WATCH PHANTOM AND ONEREPUBLIC AND THE KILLERS BUT BEING KRISTIE I HAVE NO $$$$ so there goes. 

Jake to Finn: You see this cup? This is literally my favourite cup.
(throws it out of the window)
Jake: Now its gone forever. So its not real and I don't care about it anymore.

eating dinner all alone cuz im all alone at home with my mac and notes and a whole room full of my own voice (I am trying too hard i disgust myself) and I look at pictures and i think 'how silly'