it's a funny thing that I cannot explain

it's not even my heart, it's like this inner core that governs mood (mood does not equate to feelings) and I get borderline ecstatic (this I blame myself and all my molecules of fancy) which is completely insane cuz I'm pretty sure 98% is just me and my self-delusion and this morning I woke up, dread straddling my veins cuz sooner or later I'll have to get my head outta my ass and rid myself of all 'I'm so mad at how happy you make me' moments