I feel like ever since feb I've been lounging comfortably in a soft malleable pile of misery, misery I'm so used to it doesn't feel like misery but yet still wrecks my mind every night before my slumber and leaves me concluding, or rather holding onto the hope that 'I think God can explain' that there must be a good ass reason for my untimeliness, my delusion fueled blindness, and even so I'm starting to tire myself out and the initial thrill is reduced to a mere jolt in the chest not even jolt actually but more of a 'raises eyebrows' there has been highs and lows but I think my misery is on it's way to running it's course yet at the same time I think I will be feeling like this until smth more attainable comes along other than that there really is no turning back for me, it is downhill from here, Ive nowhere to go but down or I could wait. In fact with every day that passes I am waiting. I am very impatient I only wait for things with incentives ie concert queues, meeting 1R, to migrate to Taiwan.. Bit this thing, this strange strange concept I've let my mind absorbed is slowly destroying me. So melodramatic but yes it may or may not even exist yet I allow it to redefine the landscape of my thoughts holy crap I have to purge myself of this unhealthy obsession