pent up rage and anger will slowly kill me

find myself in all sorts of situations over the past 2 days. i think im pretty adept when it comes to handling r/s between ppl, friendships esp. alas i am still learning the parameters of friendship, i am learning my rights. not going to deny that it makes me so upset that you could just leave as quietly as you came but not every issue has to be about me, not everything has to be about how I feel, not everyth matters on MY response- even if it means i am on the losing end. i have been feeling everything and nothing. you told me once that running away was actually your defence mechanism, selfish as it is, i cant believe you are actually running away from me this time. at the same time i want to hug you until all the leaks are sealed, all the ache has doused i want to fulfil my duty as a friend yet you are not giving me a chance to. i have every right to be resentful, but what can i do? hop on a plane this instance, throw my accusations at your doorstep? so that they cut your feet? turn this around, recycle my petty rage and inflict it on you? i would love to do that but what is the point anyway? you are not where i am at and i am starting to realise that this is not about me. you need your time, this is how you choose to deal with yourself and i respect that and i will be waiting. i think i am too involved with the matters of my friends' hearts. hard to not even know whatever that is going through your head but i want to believe that you know what you are doing. not even sure when i will see you again. 

ytd i learnt that there are some ppl you'll always find your way back to no matter how long you've been apart.

and every day i wish i was someplace else. it does not matter if i am alone, i like being alone.