Tuesday, November 25, 2014

'this world was never enough for you'

It took me awhile to come to terms with this film, with the strange strange fascinating concepts of space travel, i think, i think 'Interstellar' has unlocked some facet of emotions ive never felt ever, in me. I feel ache i feel despair I feel a number of emotions, wrapped up in cosmic science, celestial bodies my mind cannot comprehend. 'Interstellar' stepped all over my heart.

I find it even hard to talk about this incredible glorious work of art. I look to the sky and the gravity of how vast and empty this Universe it, hits me. If i'd leave the planet for Galatic endeavours, essentially i become a man in a can. i'd spend my days alone facing, possible, imminent danger/death the further i trek. i'd look out of my window and i wouldnt see trees, a stray bird, leaves falling. i'd see more sky, more nothingness, more death. i'd be waddling in death, i'd be all alone. if i screamed no one would hear me and if i wanted to go home it would take decades at least, and if i were to go home, where would home be exactly? i think once you are staggeringly distant from where you call home, there really isnt a point in going back. i think i'd rather go to sleep, i think i'd rather sleep forever, in my pod, in my space ship, in space, away from everywhere and everything. but to be alone, to be truly alone, is terrifying. and i felt all that terror all that despair right in my seat. What did you think you would achieve by flying yourself through the galaxy and onto a planet, which is essentially rock and carbon, what did you think you would achieve? what did you think you would find there? and what made you want to go there in the first place?

the core of the film really is the relationship between Murph and Cooper and it pretty much wrecked me, how could you blame a man like Cooper to flee to the stars? punishing him to the dirt back on earth confining him to the ground, but then how could you leave Murph behind? In 'The Alchemist' Paulo Cohelo talks about how everyone has a Personal Legend and maybe Cooper's personal legend was to explore the rest of the universe but does that validate then his decision to leave his daughter behind? idk mann i really dk, can you imagine tho, being away from your family knowing they have no idea f you're still out there, if you've been reduced to a mere speck of celestial dust, sending blips into the sky to tell you how much they miss you and wish you were with them, my heart my heart my heart, i dont think i can ever imagine that happening to me.

this has been the most emotionally exhausting, traumatic, painful, wrecking film i've ever watched in my entire life. my second time in theatres watching this film and my heart still swells and ache.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

also think my tongue may be more familiar with the lilts of your name than how you taste
i am feeling so much right now. my heart is swelling so much i am not sure if i can contain so much joy. i have nothing to be happy about and im pretty sure my delusional days are over (its about time) but i am so so so so happy! my heart is filled with so much joy, my best buds will finally return to me in less than a week, i have been waiting for this for 2 years and soon it will be Christmas, and my heart my heart my heart finally! Christmas in winter my heart my heart my heart cannot take it i am so so happy.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

re-blood your history

what an unusual phrase, what does it even mean, to re-blood one's history? all i can think of is, letting myself spill all over your past, bloodshed is never painless. what a great line. a line taken from 'i want to tell you yes' by kallie falandays. i think i want to unravel every lilt of your name. i think i want to wear your skin on my back. i think i'd still want your rust and decay. i think i am just chalk and lint.

havent been writing in a while, havent had the urge to write, havent been writing well, what a disappointment LOL but its alright, i am hoping i get really ~emotional~ or inspired and finally maybe write a little

i think my life is a series of everything and nothing happening at the same time. it is pretty great actually. attended El's japanese themed party had fun dressing up as kawaii as possible i really want a japanese name this is not a phase!!! i am legit serious about japanese culture speaking of which i better go #muggersiao mode for my japanese test tmr im dead im dead i'll be back