I'm feeling better ever since you know me

Gonna type this before I forget its almost becoming too painful to rmb:

Waited at the airport for 1R to come I managed to stalk Thai fans and found out what airline they were on and David and I met them omg when they were at the baggage claims my heart felt like it was going to explode I felt like I was going to puke honestly and so so frantic like I wash;t expecting much other than us there were only 2 other girls and 4 adults who were bring bitchez towards us hahahah you didn't even get to see them last night so joke's on ya and they walked out and the only thing between us was the barricade BUT THEY SAW US AND THEY SMILED AHHHHH sigh wished we could take pics tho. Later David remarked in retrospect that we should have followed them back to their tour bus and maybe we could've gotten a pic with them and guess what guess what last night one of the girls posted a pic of her WITH EDDIE BRENT AND RYAN BBY IN FRONT OF THEIR TOUR VAN ARGH ARGH ARGH *SLAMS TABLES* *PUNCHES WALL* I am so sad I want to cry but i am quite impressed with my stalker skills but whatever maybe i was just lucky?? we'll never know

headed to hard rock and waited for around 4 hours and halfway this storm came and wrecked the entire place (i am kidding but wow it was flooded, the queues (with ppl and rain))but it stopped and we got in (ran more like, wildly and savagely) WE WERE LIKE AROUND 4-5th ROWS and the dj played rad music to hype us but idk sia should've played songs the same genre or similar to 1R's?? Like that time The Killers they played the same genre. My babies were late they were one hour late omg ppl were getting restless (please stop playing with my heart) and there was this giant sheet in front of the stage and when they opened up with 'Don't Look Down' and we saw their shadows AND AHHHHHH I'm so sorry but I really can't rmb the setlist cuz I was just too hyped up do you know how surreal this feels? Like all these years I've been watching live performances and full concerts on YouTube and I'm forever just so impressed and swept away by the band and their showmanship and to actually witness it life I just cannot come to terms with it. Its like having the biggest most intense crush on this boy who's defo out of your league and one day he admits that he is completely nuts for you YKNOW THAT FEELING?!?!?! but being at this concert beats that anyway the crowd was way better than the one at The Killers and somehow we got pushed to like the 3rd row hahaha but halfway these two bitchez kept trying to cut in front like what to heck its just rows and rows of bodies pressed up against one another how the heck are you gonna squeeze through?!??!?!?! BACK OFF they kept shoving but I human barricaded them HAH so sad I could only see through gaps but cuz we were so near I could see pretty alright LOL and Ryan bby threw his towel into the crowd at one point and it was madness like the ppl behind us were pulling/tugging and ppl were falling like what the I mean its pretty cool to have a towel Ryan bby used but to the point of getting physically hurt?!?!? Like just enjoy the music and chill (or rather mosh) sigh it just hurts to watch videos of last night I just cringe and close the tab too painful :( btw David and I both got picks that Eddie threw into the crowd near the end, like one literally landed on his shoe?!?!? He said its fate (airport meet up) and he found one on the ground and gave it to me. I tried googling if the picks were for sale anywhere AND NO THEY ARE NOT IT IS NOW MY MOST PRIZED POSSESSION maybe if I used it I'll sound like 1R and dammit Ryan bby he kept showing off his runs UGH WHY CANT I MARRY YOU if you're a loyal reader (tryna elevate my status ahahahh) you'll notice that my bio says 'Ryan Tedder is my inspiration' HELLS TO THE FREAKING YEAH had that since forever oh yes they perfumed snippets of We Found Love, Wonderwall, Cry Me A River wow just wow hands down the best concert I've ever attended I am going to be sad for the rest of my lyf nth to look forward to sigh I wished they played their older songs tho sigh gosh I cannot imagine if Coldplay comes my pcd will probably swallow me whole. btw I am waiting for the pics they took at the gig to be up haha side note: I think the best way to attend a concert is w/o recording or taking pics the entire time like snap a few just for commemoration purposes but not the whole time like where's the fun???? 

AHHHH I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN

defying physics

I keep insisting my life is boring but actually my life is quite funny in a tragic manner like a dark sitcom LOL anyway today smth really weird happened I was in the shower and when I came out there was this commotion and apparently the window in the masterbedroom's toilet had a huge hole and there were like shattered glass pieces all over the floor in the bath tub in the toilet bowl and it's freaking weird cuz it doesn't seem like a contraction/expansion thingy but as if smth hit the glass and I live on the freaking 23rd floor what to heck maybe a bird flew into the glass hahah but no there wasn't a corpse?!?! Very mysterious Kenneth says someone trying to shoot me wow come to think of it this is serious I could've been just doing my biz in the toilet and bam!! Glass breaks I get cut my the pieces and bleed to death I almost died we almost died very mysterious what is going on??? 

On a sidenote I really want a dog :((((((

a day in the life of spots

8:27am

uncurl now.

my human is not dead under the sheets

it rises and caves, unremarkably subtly

his breaths (detached)

(with a hint of last night’s mojito on his tongue)

i wait by his bed

it is a joy

8:30am

unfold now.

my human stirs

‘GOOD MORNING’ i greet him

(this roughly translates to a coarse myriad of incoherent noise from the back of my throat)

he nuzzles my face

it is basically my sole reason to live

12: 34pm

understand now.

my fascination with 4-wheeled moving houses

my human calls it a ‘car’

they surge on roads and obey coloured signs

i often scoff at their daftness

4: 52pm

unallied now.

most of my days are spent in solitude

i ponder on the route the paperboy takes to avoid me

I'm trying to record myself dancing ~for future blackmail material~ and shoot i almost got caught by my dad where do i hide my face

the first time in 13 years i get to be the only child again haha it feels quite odd yet strangely satisfying (i am actually enjoying this) anyway my folks and I went to the salvation army today to donate some of our old clothes, we had like a total of 5 bags?? and wow the place is huge the family store is like a run down ikea and there is pretty much everyth inside??? i even saw wedding gowns LOL gonna get mine from there cuz I'm cheap HAHAHAH but guess what MY DAD FOUND THE BOOK THEIF AND ITS A FREAKING HARDCOVER AND THERES EVEN THE PRICETAG ON WHICH SAYS 40.90 FROM KINO AND THEY'RE SELLING IT FOR 5.90?!?!?!??!? DONT THINK JUST DO got it for RR haha my paperback one doesn't even look that fancy. :p We then headed to the National Museum (pretentious hahahaah) and the buildings all look very regal but sigh i have to say i was kinda bored maybe i can't appreciate sg history but i esp enjoyed the fashion instalment like wow the cheongsams were very vogue hmm. There was also a food and film one too they screened a vid of a step by step guide to making laksa and the ppl who came up with this idea are devils like now my standard of laksas have increased drastically and if i don't find one that surpasses that standard i don't think i can ever eat laksa w/o feeling shortchanged. and in the film exhibit they had those red thick curtains and i wrapped myself with them and left my head sticking out so its just my head in a sea of red HAHAHAH i am 17 i need to grow up but when a chance like that comes by you don't let it slip!!! We had dinner at YMCA which was nearby my mum said she and my dad used to go to the Macs at YMCA for dates and all LOL cheesy but too bad its closed alr haha and damn it reminded me so much of taiwan, staying in the YMCA hostel i wish i could go back there i honestly wouldn't mind living there. Im going back to Wesley tmr, kinda excited heh haven't been there since I was 5/6/7??? I might go there for service too tho overall great day being the only child i need attention and love thanks

heard some incredibly good news from YH and I'm so immensely happy for him and I can't help but compare myself with his situation and I realised I really suck at this HAHA i have no cell of an idea how this works like what i think is great is actually pretty lame (or creepy, or vague) i need to re evaluate all my actions and reassess myself before its too late (it probably is alr LOL)

finally got my hands on Tom bby's Long Way Down album and wow am really feeling 'I Know' can i just post the lyrics here

Cold house, white light 
Yellow lamps and black in the skies 
Full holes in deep brown eyes 
I sing you a song that I think you'll like 
And we walk to places we always go 
A million faces, I don't know 
I say the words I always hope that your heart is racing 
(Even though) 

[Chorus] x2 
I know what you told me 
I know it's all over and 
I know I can't keep calling 
Every time I run (yeah) 
I keep on falling (on you) 

[Ver 2] 
(Oh)The way I stand 
(Oh)The way I sway 
The way your hair coats in the rain 
The little lines that written on your face 
On the winter nights when you come and stay 
The way you hit me when you wanna fight 
The way I'm young, the way I cry 
The way I love rose with the ties 
But we know it won't make up every time 

[Chorus] x2 

[Bridge] 
Oh you bring me all the things I need 
I follow the rain to the rolling sea 
I love you baby all the things I lay 

[Chorus]

sigh 

SERIOUSLY I AM SO DUMB MY HAIR WAS SO GORGEOUS NO KIDDING WHY DID I CUT IT OFF DUMBASS

i just opened this sd card and found my taiwan pics last year AND MY HAIR GOODNESS IT WAS SO FLUFFLY AND LOVELY WHY DID I CUT IT OFF I AM SO MAD I MISS MY HAIR SO MUCH NOW QUICKLY GROW AND I WILL NEVER CUT YOU OFF EVER AGAIN

had a thrilling and heart-pumping day oh my goodness good day good day am very blessed

shifen

i cannot think

my thoughts,

as scattered as the lanterns dotted across the heavens

kongmingdengs we craft from our hands,

dusted and bruised,

your palm lines mirroring our journey

you are pregnant with hopes as you crease and fold

you astound me,

how desperately you want your wishes granted by God

I wonder how you can still want more

when I am all that you want

and companion does not

come cheap

stroke by stroke, ink bleeds through like poetry

you carve and crave, not noticing:

1)   the curvature of the mountains,

(arches unlike the factitious ones

 integrated into architecture back home)

2)   how the sky, not air,

is infused with scents, incoherent myriad that

stirs my senses

(of Christmas, barbeque, singed paper)

3)   families fretting, posing for pictures

before sending

their dreams to their demise

4)   the subdued sunset splayed upon

shophouses

(walls peeling and paint shedding,

 each layer revealing history)

5)   or even the train in perpetual haste,

displacing pebbles every 20 minutes,

inches from our faces

flames devour and the procession launches

like a backwards Technicolored waterfall

they rise

you clasp my hand in yours

sealing my doubts

and I spot my name etched on our lantern

im so sleepy i only want two things.
bed
rest
read cairo's writing blog and i am feeling all kinds of inspiration i wrote a poem about shifen ytd and damnit la i shall post it here i need critique i feel very out of touch haha notice that i tend to start my poems with 'i cannot think' cuz 500% of the time i really cant and i just purge all the words out even if they sound disgusting then i fine tune them PLS COMMENT OR WHATEVS OK STALKERS (i convince myself i have them lol what a loser haha) i need critique thanks thanks

it's all starting to sink in I just finished hp 7 part 1 and was it necessary to kill BOTH TONKS AND LUPIN WHY WHY WHY THIS IS LIKE JAMES AND LILY ALL OVER AGAIN UGH poor teddy I want to kiss you and hug you and protect your furry head FRICK YOU JK!!!! (But no thank you jk for this fantastic journey and world you gave to us I still want to believe such a place exists) 

blubs

1) this is very hilarious. right after the week i stopped working, my old boss told us that the icecream shop will cease operation and theres even a picture of the shop being boxed up HAHAHHAH I WANT TO TAKE A PHOTO WITH TWO THUMBS UP IN FRONT OF IT what sucks is that all hope of meeting chocolate toffee is lost, tossed into the great deep blue WHY MUST YOU DO THIS BIG MAN UP THERE

2) its 9 more days to 1R and i actually forgot i was going haha it better not rain and i will do whatever it takes to meet them ok i am desperate shall claw my way through clamber up the stage while blindly punching the bouncers and kiss ryan bby

3) oh my goodness kest is such a child i lent belicia danny but she didnt come to church today so i had no choice but to entrust danny to kester and i was so worried cuz danny is my baby touch him and i will end you so i kept nagging and this boy decided to come up with scenarios regarding carelessly tossing danny around and they were so unconvincing HAHA and then he actually decided to stop in the middle of the road and take a vid of himself smashing my uke into his phone JUST TO PROVE A POINT OH MY GOODNESS you are in NS can you.........

4) finished reading hp 7 i feel so hollow now how can it just end?

5) these nights ive been wishing that this right now, everything thats happening is an elaborate ploy, an act or even just a dream that one day i'll wake up and none of this wouldve have happened and everyth will be like it was before but its pathetic of me but whatevs im alr so pathetic nth to lose ok ah well

GETTING SO DISTRACTED BY LEO DI'S MAGNIFICENT FACE WHILE WRITING A SPEECH ABOUT HIM URGH CMON KRIS GET YOUR SHIT TGT

might be way way way too early to say this but last sem school didnt even feel like school it was just daily doses of goofing around and all but today i just felt that dread that restlessness the pre-O's from sec 3-4 going to school for the sake of going to school, studying for the sake of not retaining and feeling awful the entire time sigh and i just feel it like this isnt what i signed up for i really hope tmr takes a turn for the better last sem was really superb, the modules/lecturers/friends 10/10 ok but i came to poly to escape that dull dread and whats the point if i feel it here too?

feel so inconsequential and irrelevant tonight for some reason can't help but feel this manner. to think that by now I should have a clear idea of the dynamics of our r/s but I will always lose to time nth I can do about it anyway but I do feel like I'm being taken for granted or maybe my mind is in overdrive but ah 

my heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel

cafe life is not for me haha everyth is way overpriced but its the novelty i guess anyhow we went to wimby lu but it wasnt opened until an hour later AND THERE ARE ONLY HOUSES NEARBY SO THERE'S NOWHERE TO GO HAHA (but to succumb to yet another cafe promising to be unique out of the hundreds dotted along private estates) But Rokeby is a really chill place not that i frequent cafes alot but the molten lava cake was splendid but i cant compare to others though haha 

wimby lu! wow the waffles were amazing like sometimes when you eat smth for the first time you cant really decide if its really good cuz you cant compare but other times YOU JUST KNOW IT. LIKE YOU JUST KNOW ITS THE BEST LIKE YOU CAN SEARCH YOUR WHOLE LIFE FOR OTHER WAFFLES BUT YOU KNOW THEY WILL NEVER MEASURE UP do you understand what i mean??????? they were that good ok.

look at this hottie

finally met up with Kae and David and its cathartic to be able to talk so freely about everyth and i am thankful for all these bunch of ppl in my life.

today, i walked around clarke quay until i got lost and it feels so therapeutic to wander idk mann i like being alone by myself and even though this is SG it sorta ignited some sort of urge to do this overseas too like you never know what you will meet and i found this coldplay biography and it made my day. also, ivan bought me fallen empires and wow the combination of both is too much to handle. i wonder if i'll be able to do this in a different timezone hmmmmmmmmmm

swoon

finding myself behaving increasingly like Ted almost to the point of embarrassment but I am hopeless so lemme cling onto whatever signs the universe is shoving in my face (or at least i like to think so) anyway right after i tweeted 'the place where dreams come to die' THIS ANGEL FROM THE HEAVENS WALKED RIGHT INTO MY LIFE oh my goodness I can't rmb how exactly his face was arranged but i rmb his features and i couldnt help but second glance (third, fourth, fifth) and when he opened his mouth I was just woah gone. gone in a heartbeat. Like conversation just flowed so smoothly and when he asked 'does this happen a lot?' and waited for me to give a puzzled look before explaining what he meant AND YES CONVERSATION IS SEXY and he asked if i worked full time or part time NO. NO. NO. YOU DO NOT DO THIS TO UNSUSPECTING DELUSIONAL KIDS WHO ARE DYING FROM WORK oh my goodness he was so charming and handsome and so adorable and i am so creepy BUT I SWEAR AFTER THAT EXCHANGE I AM JUST SWOONING. like he said he came 2 weeks ago in uniform and bought the exact same thing he did today LIKE HOW DO YOU EVEN RMB DETAILS SO VIVIDLY FROM 2 WEEKS BACK I CANT EVEN RMB WHAT HAPPENED YTD OK from this i can conclude i am a major creep and i read too much in to my daily insignificant occurrences but whatever these momentary love affairs are heartbreaking i shoulda asked him what school he was from when he mentioned school uni (but why would you mention your outfit?) sigh sigh chocolate toffee i have to meet you again

thankful for you

never in a million years would I ever begin to fathom how insanely painful and difficult this is for you and it hurts me so much I don't even know what to do anymore all I can turn to is prayer and I will keep praying and we will do whatever it takes to make it better I give you my word 

what you are and what you are not

you are a reminder, not a mark on the calendar
you are an imprint, not a scar
you are a subject in photographs, not a jolt in the heart
and you are two years, not an anniversary

you are my rhetorical question that needs no answer

you are a tattoo, not a name preserved on paper 

you are a memory, not a ghost that lingers 

you are a character not a plot
you are a dash, not a full stop
you are a bracket in my equation
you are a culaccino, not a toast

you are a noun not the two words I'll utter

ivories against silk, breaths weighed with promises
and you are a lecture, not a lover

#NationalPoetryDay