'i am beyonce always'

ok so ive finished S1-7 of The Office and i dont think i will continue since the episodes are getting very repetitive but ok i've learnt alot from the show mostly about waiting and not taking yourself too seriously i felt so sad when Michael left tho but at least he's going home to Holly and hopefully one day I'll meet someone (my Holly Flax) and Michael took like what 2 seasons to marry her and Jim waited 4 seasons to get with Pam and Dwight, pretty much the whole of the show to marry Angela (even though i personally find their r/s very odd)

'And I think that we are one of those couples with a long story, when people ask how we found each other. I, will see her, every now and then, and, maybe one year she'll be with somebody and the next year I'll be with somebody. And it's going to take a long time... and then it's perfect. I'm in no rush.'

'For a really long time that's all I had. Little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And, a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl I work with but I think, even then I knew that... I was waiting for my wife.'

I am very impatient but ok i will wait
and the fact that this is a mockumentary gives me comfort that even in the most mundane of situations it is possible to have an interesting sitcom worthy life (i for one can testify) but i'd rather my life be tragically comic than boring (even though the irony is that, this is after all scripted) but hey my life isn't scripted and its pretty darn interesting everyday smth strange/odd/funny in a sad way happens LOL stay tuned to more of keeping up with kristie xx

my wifi is really slow today

had a very interesting/eventful day

1) went to c&k's hq and the entire building is very industrial chic the interior was mostly black and white and the office is freaking cool like it was a just rows of gigantic white tables stretched horizontally across the office and the meeting rooms were basically glass cages lol had alot of devil wears prada vibes but ya quite cool to work in the office everyone was wearing either black or white and you have some who look like they're going to attend a function with their 5 inch pumps and fake accents and then you have the rest who look like teachers lol what a strange environment

2) got lost while navigating the ever confusing streets/lanes of sg BUT I FINALLY SWALLOWED MY PRIDE AND ASKED FOR DIRECTIONS HAHA sungei road aka thieves market is very cool the sun was horrid tho i would've stayed there longer if not for the tan ahem stain on my back (i feel very conscious when i go out now and ppl look at me for longer than 3 secs are you looking at my back are you judging my tan ahem stain dont worry if i were you and if saw one as grotesque as mine i most definitely would the question is how do i get rid of this? anyway i am very bad at directions sometimes i get so mad at myself for getting lost and walking around in circles but its the journey that makes it worth it eh. will make another trip down to sungei road again with tom :))

3) sometimes (more like all the time) i stalk attractive ppl on social media accounts and wow they always look very put tgt and well groomed and then when i look at tagged photos of them its like seeing the world in a new perspective like wow.. that's you??? dont know what kinda magic filter they use i have the right to say this cuz my default face is unglam but it really puzzles me so, how someone this goodlooking can look so unlike themselves hmm

4) fun time eating prata with my two ny besties sis and kok had fun hearing them bitch and hearing about their adventures in school :))) #bffs4lyf cant wait until we all graduate thats when our lives can truly commence

I KEEP DANCING ON MAH OWN

the past few days have been hella eventful i cant even rmb what happened but here is a summary:

1) got a job and subsequently got fired LOL (this happened after i told my boss i got another job interview) 

2) have a HORRIBLE/UGLY tan (more like STAIN) from getting sunburnt in ahem Beverly Hills 90210 on thurs with T110 thursday funday xx will elaborate more but i cannot rmb anyth that has happened other than the fact that it was hella fun yknow how some days are remarkable and some days aren't? well this was a really remarkable day and even tho the details elude me it was sucha great day :))) btw how do i get rid of a tan or does it haunt me for the rest of my life? this is a serious question i am not prepared to live with this consequence, you see i go 'outside' AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS 

3) I miss performing so much i can't wait for melizo feels so great to be singing again have to go back to school TWICE every week but nvm its worth it 

4) below are some pics from kenneth's 18 wah i tell you i was freaking out before it happened thank God for bel/zac and LRR ok i accidentally smeared a little of the cream from the cake on my hand and i started crying omg i think i have some anxiety issues being serious here i get so anxious and stressed about the most mundane insignificant stuff for eg. taking a passport pic and buying cny clothes like i literally was so stressed about it my assignments took a backseat idk if this is a real problem or what but from this i conclude:

1) i cannot be a wedding planner 

2) i am never getting married and if i do i will cry every single day a month before the wedding due to anxiety/stress/nervousness etc and i will freak out a few times a day 

but yay almost everyone was there im so happy it was a success happy bday bestie pls dont feel guilty or stressed ok i did this cuz its ur bday its ur day you are not obliged to reciprocate so STOP beating yourself up over it. thankful for everyone who involved sorry i cannot plan everyone's bday i'll just do a different one every year ok and wow surprise kenneth's bud (the one ive been corresponding with from nyjc) is surprise surprise cute hahahaahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahah 

i love this pic so much look at all of us laughing we look so happy this is such a 'girls' moment :)) there's another pic which i destroyed by saying STOP and stretching out my hand LOL i have ruined so many polaroids in my lyf

 i am standing on a stool in case you're wondering how i got so tall and that sexy backdrop is done by LRR 

kok literally thought for 5 mins what pose to do for this shot 

#whitetrash

the next few days of my life may or may not be eventful pls pray that it will my entire 2 months hinges on tmr may God bless me 

this is all your fault

my heart is not a heart
It is a beast
vile and relentless
it is rancid it is rancor it is the colour of blood when it lacerates my initials onto your skin
And you not helping
you are fuel you are prey you are lamb waiting to be slaughtered
I can try but how many times have you seen great whites turn a paper cut into a sea of red?

almost remarkable adventures of kristie

sometimes you have unremarkable days, days that pass w/o you rmbering anyth noteworthy, the entire day was just a meh, i had a bunch of that a few months back, almost died of the monotony but today was interesting haha

1) went job hunting which i must say was kinda successful (kinda because the pay's kinda low my ice cream job was 7/h but OK NO COMPLAINS its not that low its just me being greedy (consumed by greed after watching WOWS perhaps??) lol jk) and successful cuz i now have a job selling yogurt HAHA its kinda lame but ok la better than no job :)) (plus no uniform and dont needa life hella haevy nitro tanks lol) hope my first day goes well tmr

2) went to the cafes along upper thomson and wah some really very hipster i just felt like i stepped into another dimension of pretentious+ trying too hard to impress. one guy was like 'you have to be 16 and above to apply' HELL YES BITCH I AM 18 AND THIS IS GOING OUT TO ALL THOSE BITCHEZ WHO THOUGHT I WAS IN THE WORKING FORCE ALR HAH

3) saw a Lamborghini Murcielago which resembled my dream Miura and i took a few shots of it HAHA but it was parked at a very odd angle i had some difficulties capturing the whole car i was so afraid the owner would see me but HAHA how often do you see a Murcielago in sg???? (maybe very often but lol this is my first time seeing it)

4) entered this pet shop AND THERE WERE SO MANY PUPPIES AHHHHH had a little chat with the lady in the shop and i pet a 11 year old female goldie (whose name i forgot) im so happy :)) which subsided when ivan told me his pay to which i replied 'i am very sad now ivan, but maybe tmr my life will be better' am i very self-absorbed/involved??? i hope not ok farewell the next few days of my life is going to be very exciting :)))

p.s. btw i have very exciting news (smth i mentioned a few weeks back) and i can't wait to talk about it but i'll be able to talk about it very soon xx

in retrospect

stumbled upon this little treasure, rmb the good old days of S1 AND THIS SCENE SPEAKS TO ME ON A SPIRITUAL LEVEL LOL

beast

3:31am and all I see

at the back of my lids

is how your hair twists not
curls
how you howl and whimper not
cry

how every verb you carry out

is an animalistic version of what most of us

normal beings lack the capacity to

portray.

3:32am and you’ve made

11 trips around my head

each peregrinate increases exponentially

and the trial you leave

begs for someone to follow

it is your forte:

lacerating your initials

into my skin

the way beasts mark their

territory.

3:33am and I am a carcass

revolting and rancid

my bones have endured your mastication

my remains

an open invitation to scavengers

I reek of your scent

even in my atrophy

your athanasia prevails.

sea of love

all my life, even when i was genuinely happy there's always this constant gnawing of wanting to be someplace else, it doesn't matter where but as long as it's somewhere else and it beats me why the need to be elsewhere when right here right now, i'm feeling all sorts of joy and i question my ability, why i always turn to escapism, even from good things. rmb a quote from David Levithan 'When I am with you, there is nowhere else I'd rather be. And I am a person who always wants to be somewhere else.' I always want to be somewhere else.



am feeling kinda blue listening to Sea of Love- Cat Power, (prefer the Phil Phillip version tho) but i can only blame myself aye but then again i'm quite proud of myself, this is the first time i am shamelessly going after smth so fervently HAHA ah well guess its not the right time its ok it was a good distraction while it lasted. i know i've said this many times but as the days go by it just further exemplifies the fact that my life is pretty much a sitcom and i am not even exaggerating its a joke sometimes i can't even believe that this is my life LOL but i guess i'd rather have an interesting life than a lame one i would say what happened BUT TOO PUBLIC HAHA gotta be 'mindful of what i post' anyway i am done with year 1 of poly bitchezzzzz!!! that was fast time always pasts so quickly and i bet sooner or later some sitcom worthy shit is gonna happen again lol stay tuned for more keeping up with kristie xx

wish i am where you are at

Pros and cons of being kristie pt 5

Another one of my greatest flaws would be my tendency to attribute everything that happens to me to the Universe which I guess it's not a good thing but I cannot see anyth bad about it maybe it's a flimsy excuse on my part but I am proactive when I want smth so much I usually go after it so no I do not blame the Universe for my bad decisions but all these occurrences I am currently facing, I'd like to think that it's the work of the Universe. It is 12:13am and I'm lying on my bed listening to Boyfriend by Best Coast and for some reason I feel a strange sense of invincibility and a tinge of frustration (this song is resonating with me) and I'm just reciting the lyrics and thinking and attributing my situation to the Universe and I wonder if there's a purpose to everything that's happening to me and I am realizing that I am so deluded and maybe that's the reason why I'm feeling all sorts of *emotions* without anyth actually happening and maybe I'm just lonely too but there's some sort of comfort being lonely and I've played the song 6 times alr and again in some strange manner this song is making me smile and idk why this is very strange and yet I can't help but smile 

For some reason I can feel it in my bones my subconscious that one day smth terrible is going to happen due to my indecisiveness and I could be missing out on the greatest adventure of my life cuz I took too long to make up my mind and this is becoming a problem that should've been addressed 2 years ago and my belief that 'everything will work itself out' might not actually apply to this situation because it has been a year and my mind is still as tangled and unsettled and it is almost a joke my life is a joke the universe cannot take me seriously and I better sort this out before it worsens being indecisive and impulsive is a recipe for not completing anything at all 

so many things to do and all i can think about is how delusional i am holy shit

thoughts

Just a random thought: all these fancy is prolly a result of my loneliness coupled with delusion and I've come to realise as much as I want to convince myself and others it is just completely pointless and I just have to force myself to stop pining for person I fancy. just watched himym and it's such a great episode and I realise I stagger across extremities. On one hand couples disgust me on the other every day that passes, I am a day closer to meeting future soulmate and I can't wait for that I'm more excited for our intervention than graduating or studying lit in uni or migrating to Taiwan and getting my first dog I can't wait to meet you and you could be living halfway across the world or you could be living just across the street and I'll never know but I know you'll feel like an adventure and I just wanna go on adventures with you. What is this? I detest romance yet I'm a closeted romantic is this even categorized under 'romance'? This anticipation towards meeting future soulmate? Or am I just looking forward to meeting someone that makes me feel so alive that complements me, not completes me, that makes me tenfold of what I am now? Would this anticipation make me a romantic? Mann I have no idea I wonder where you are right now or what you're doing I wonder if you're in love with anyone right now and I wonder if you're wondering if I exist. If you have any dogs (cats are fine too) if you create embarrassing playlists if you play the air drums, air guitar, air piano AND sing when you're in public I wonder if you long to leave sg as much as I do (assuming you live in sg) (or perhaps you love it here) I wonder if your favourite breakfast is pancakes I wonder if you read or sing or dance or do sports or if you have sisters or brothers or maybe you don't I wonder what you define a 'good book' or your list of 'films that almost, almost made me cry' or if you write letters to yourself and if you're as goofy as I am (or more so or maybe you're really shy) and I can only wonder and look forward but of course you may or may not exist and I don't think I want to find out time will tell and time is no healer but time will always tell

KONG HEI FATT CHOY

My dad is hokkien while my mum is canto so technically im hokkien but i really like the sound of canto so KONG HEI FATT CHOY!!! cny is pretty much the same every year but this year I broke the record for my hongbao loot collection plus i won cash from blackjack i can't stop smiling at my luck :)))) i didn't get any new clothes so i rewore them LOL been spending the past few nights just forcing words out it feels kinda unnatural, sometimes i get bolts of inspiration i think i need 2 more stanzas and im good to go. Ppl always comment how i look like my mum but honestly i hardly see the resemblance?! Her eyes are huge mine are mere slits xx

Went house-hopping with the choir ppl on the third day gon make this an annual thing :)) were comparing the pictures we took last year during cny and the ones with took this year and LOL nth changed drastically i'm so glad i have buds like them to last me a lifetime xx 

Yknow in movies/shows iceskating dates always look so glamorous?? WELL IT ISNT IN REAL LYF how do you even control your movements i think im kinectically/physically challenged i cannot coordinate my limbs LOL but at least i fell only once :)))) the kids are brilliant i tell you in the end we stole an unattended seal from a kid and took turns riding it around the rink HAHAHA sly pj and gillian were like pros wow and the real pros were even better?! this group of bengs were like doing fancy tricks all even like skidding and eroding ice?!? anyway an iceskating date is succha bad idea esp if you haven't iceskated before. for eg, if you lack all sense of coordination (like me) you'll end up embarrassing yourself when kids do it better than you but actually its quite fun la if you hold hands you can actually cover quite a distance HAHA what an experience