Running through the heat heart beat/ You shine like silver in the sunlight

feeling good vibes all over and this song Love Like This- Kodaline makes me so carefree but omg i need to study for medsoc but im bloody tired so goodnight moon and goodnight you

sigh this is one of those days. Read an article on ThoughtCatalog and it kinda made me sad but I had good company today though

The only person standing in your way is you. It's time to let her go. Lose yourself.

Watched Black Swan today and omg it sent me chills like honestly I think it resonates with all performers. Like its hard to explain but once you aim for perfection onstage, pretty much nth can stand in your way and you just go to whatever lengths to attain that and its actually scary cuz while performing you kinda get this adrenaline and you honestly feel invincible and its like you just want all eyes on you and its very addictive, the feeling and by then you are unstoppable and yeah anyth, anyth just for perfection, in all due respect for the art. And like her gradual decline into insanity is so blatant and heartbreaking especially in the clothes she wore. Like Nina always wore white but after she wore Lily's black camisole over she started to let loose and by the time she was completely unhinged, she was wearing black all over. BUT DAMN I LOVED THE BLACK SWAN COSTUME AND MAKE UP OMG was leaning towards Sherlyn the whole time LOL I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW SHE'S SO CHILL but thank God for her manzxc. Crap I keep thinking of the whole movie chills all over ugh SO INTENSE AH MY FACE WAS HOT DURING THE WHOLE MOVIE

was lazing on my bed (what's new) when I came across a startling revelation and immediately asked my friends AND OMG ITS ALL CLEAR NOW I SEE IT NOW LIKE IT ALL MAKES SENSE NO WONDER I can't confirm this but I have a feeling about this and usually my gut feelings are correct and omg idk whether to laugh or cry or feel cheated or what HAHA LYF SUX gonna try to research more before I confirm my suspicions but honestly I kinda know the answer. Prepare tissues guise xx.

sidenote: FEELING VERY STRANGE EMOTIONS

COMMIT TO THE ----

hey sucker haha love how we always end up meeting at the lamest place ever to exist amongst so many kool places maybe cuz we're lame thats why but anyway PPL WILL KILL TO BE IN YOUR POSITION SO STOP COMPLAINING PLZ JUST LOOK AT ME THANKS. Miss you very much bestie I was kidding about you gaining weight its just your uniform I'll keep your secret as long as you keep mine okaye bye xx

Sunday Funday

1) Got battlescars from scaling the wall at the fitness corner in church wah sucks HAHA I was hanging at the top, was wearing a dress so I couldn't pull myself over but honestly I WAS DAMN SCARED OF PULLING MYSELF UP HAHA where's the cheerleader when you need him??? But I feel extremely manly now check out mah wounds gurl

2) Rene and Jairus came over in the afternoon to gym, had a nap before that AND IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING NAP I EVER HAD I KID YOU NOT when I woke up I thought I SLEPT THROUGH THE REST OF SUNDAY it was so good then I realised I had plans if not I would've went back to sleep damn. What started out as a weight lifting regime turned serious when Rene decide we should try out this new circuit thingy (doesn't involve running lol) so we did sit ups, planks, side planks, sit ups again, planks at the same time omg I have never felt so fit in my entire life but I just ate like a whole pack of duck rice so consider that voided xx. Its quite fun gymming with them actually. Them guys went to swim while I took pap shots of them hahaha. Not surprising though Jairus was lifting like 120 pounds?? btw I found out that the number marked on the weights aren't in kg but in pounds HAHA so I've been lifting 30pounds all long which translates to 13.6kg hahahah thank you very much. Quite cool how I've haven't seen Rene in a few years and it feels all normal after meeting him again. And dayum these guns are getting bigger should I give up or just keep chasing pavements????????? (mini heart attack when I lost my proximity card in the gym but turns out someone else took it and he was nice enough to return it thank you) just love chilling by the pool if I block out the surrounding buildings it feels like I'm on vacay and I need one n o w. Overall great lovely weekend hehe

bad decisions

WHat a productive fun weekend AND ITS NOT EVEN SUNDAY YET YAY haha stayed over at Vic's place and

1) Her jack russel Rocky HUMPED ME AHH WHATS THIS like Bruno used to have a boner sometimes but I never gave it much thought cuz I WAS STILL YOUNG BUT NOW IM OLDER AND OMG i wanted to take a picture with rocky and I sat beside him and when I stood up HE GRABBED MY LEG WITH BOTH PAWS AND OMG THAT 72 YEAR OLD MALE WAS GETTING FULL ON HORMONAL OMG ran into Vic's room immediately.

2) For some reason I'm super afraid of huge dogs esp if when they jump and balance on their 2 feet and are way bigger than I am. Anyway the trauma started when I was at Ting's house back then and she has this golden retriever which was quite huge and I was eating chocolate on the couch THEN IT RAN TOWARDS ME AND POUNCED ON ME AND PAWED ME OVER I HAVE NEVER FELT SO  SUFFOCATED AND BREATHLESS AND VULNERABLE IN MY WHOLE LYF B4 and that's when I got more wary of dogs that are of larger breed and Vic has another beagle named Skipper and omg he is huge and I hid behind ppl every time I was within a 1m radial distance of him. I can't risk it xx.

3) Watched Paranormal Activity 4 with them gurlzxc (lol) and hahahahaah omg pls don't watch it.

4) Vic's mum is bloody kool omg I envy her so much ahhhhh!!

5) I am a sound mixer hahaha so nice of the actors to help out <3 2="" am="" and="" days="" extremely="" filming="" finish="" glad="" hehe="" in="" managed="" p="" to="" we="">
6) Am barely awake and I feel like sleeping but I just did the dumbest most Kristie thing and I am regretting this so much I LOOKED LIKE I JUST MURDERED SOMEONE AND TEH BLOOD STAINS HAVE SEEPED INTO MY ARMS LEAVING MY SKIN TAINTED 4 LYF.

7) Sistaa is prolly the best person in the whole universe hahaha so hilarious it completely made my entire week omg I am mean but thanks if you're reading this kenneth <3 p="">
8) I hope you feel better soon it makes me feel sad when stuff like these happen but life is confusing and unexpected i mean would you rather live a boring life or one with twists so vicious you barely make it through I mean it would kinda suck but not as much as a monotonous dreary life so press on my dear! I know you'll gain a whole new set of smth else through this <3 p="">
In the meantime I am prolly the worst person I know when it comes to making choices.

No can dosville babydoll

Wish I was at Bangkok now, heck I just wanna go on a holiday I miss Taiwan very much. I need to stop getting so emotionally invested in American sitcoms it isn't healthy haha but anyway tonight I learnt about baggage and how everyone has them and I prolly have like a truckful of baggage but I guess the biggest one would be the fact that I write and dream and this combination can lead to good things or possibly your own doom (many times I have brushed against the latter). I guess being a writer makes me sensitive but I'm pretty insensitive for someone who supposed to be sensitive and thoughts do spew and run amok and often times they leave me daze and bruised but I hardly rmb anyth but the thing is writers think alot. Like alot. Inconsequential most of the time (me) or maybe earth-shattering revolutions (sometimes) and I do get caught up with myself that I tend to become very very unsure of whats going on within my own mind anymore it is both exhilarating and exhausting at the sametime but    I guess this creates some cracks and discrepancies with my relationships with the ppl around me. Its like trying to get a signal form a spaceman floating in the universe. HIMYM does indeed teach life skills xx

Pretty fun day today heh even though I messed up my camera test LOL SUCKS HAHA but this girl in my locpro class say the koolest thing about me omg i am very flattered hahaha so shy hehehehehe it was a fun day love the super long break to just hang around morphing our faces with celebrities hahahaah dont judge plz xx excited for the next 2 days I better start packing my stuff

Am also feeling grossed out/ disgusted with myself and how easily my mind sways from extremes and am starting to doubt everything I felt

Rabbit or duck?

Watched this episode after lunch with Chester today and it didn't really make sense but I thought about it and I guess its really simple to switch from a rabbit to a duck or the other way round. Its almost easy its basically the same set of feelings but perhaps just a different perspective and maybe you just need someone to fix that for you and you start to see it from a drastically contrasting light and your whole mindset changes. Its what you want versus what you think you want. And I do feel extremely disenchanted now like there isn't really a point in it anymore, I understand why now so many souls are afraid of merging and converging and getting tangled and melded I don't even know why I thought it was even a good idea but to be honest I feel much safer this way in my own mind and in my lonely thoughts (I was always lonely) maybe I need some evidence or smth to change my mind but in a long time to come I think I know what I want.

2 things

1. I guess sistaa and I have sorta progressed to the point where he tells me about his encounters in the night (don't understand why he's so shocked/grossed out by it I just find it really hilarious) but god he needs to stop describing thanks

2. For the past few months I've been extremely bugged about a particular song like its so darn catchy but the only lyrics I actually catch are 'sexy elephant' and I JUST GOOGLED IT AND NO IT ISN'T SEXY ELEPHANT damn. Its apparently 'such sweet nothing' but Florence Welsh just makes it sound like sexy elephants

sigh, I really am thankful. My playlist is almost done and has sappy influences from RR and kickass punk rock from Belicia, Kest and HJ and just thinking about the past week in retrospect makes me realise I really am blessed that these ppl would just drop whatever they have just to make me feel better I know I don't say this enough but I am a lucky girl I really am so very lucky to have met all of you I can't wait to get better and for this whole ordeal to be over and there won't be any awkwardness and its just rainbows and butterflies (M5 YAY) but for now thank God for all of you.

new perspective

1. contemplating if I should create my 'let them tears fall, bitch' playlist in my iPod which will prolly lead to me sobbing until I'm unconscious in public places but I figured that it'll help me a great deal so omg pls don't judge me if you see me with ice cream stains and tear steams all over my face.
2. Happy Birthday Daddy LOL idk why I still call him Daddy anyway I finally got him smth else other than like coffee which I've been giving him for the past 5 consecutive years I KNOW I'M HORRIBLE WHEN IT COMES TO GIFTS so I got him...... earphones YAY! And while I was showering I came across a revolution that he likes music and I SHOULD CREATE A PLAYLIST OF 80's MUSIC FOR HIM so I'm currently finding music now but he kinda likes soft rock?????? So far I have thought of Runaway Train- Soul Asylum okaye gonna scour for more songs brb xx
3. Made a pact with myself (coincidentally in the shower too) and I hope I'll keep to it and I'll give myself as long as I want but not too long of course cuz I wanna know if I have the capacity to handle it too but cmon Kris sometimes you give everyth but even so it isn't enough and it sucks but you just gotta deal with it cuz this is life and even if you wanted too alter the ending its not gonna happen so I guess you just gotta move along move along and its prolly gonna be hard and almost fruitless but you'll get there (I really honestly/ genuinely hope so)

im so hollow baby

Found out this morning that a classmate from SA underwent surgery last night and idk why but seeing my SA classmates freaking out sorta affected me too. I really miss them and I'm glad that he's okaye now. Met up with choir clique today David says I'm being a Kaely now hahahaha oh you mean a Tom Hanson? Yeah definitely. Kae needs to stop pretending to be a Saint haha I do miss SA loads though. This is hard and I feel wounded and broken and sad and disappointed and hurt and upset and hollow and empty and disorientated but I have 8 seasons of Adventure Time and the best buddies in the whole universe I don't know what I'll do w/o you guys love yall so so so so much.

prolly the worst week of my life and the only songs i have been listening to are Never Gonna Fall in Love Again- Snow Patrol and Goodbye Kiss- Kasabian and U.N.I.- Ed Sheeran and this sucks it really does but im  so thankful for my friends i really am thank you so much I really appreciate it.

internet aCCEss god i suck at lyf i got one good thing and even so i manage to mess it up lyf sux i suck ugh

lyf sux i should just move to like somewhere with no internet assess and sell poems for a living forever

I said I wanted to be sad so that I could write better. Now I got what I wanted and I wished I never ever wanted to feel sad ever again cuz this is more than I bargained for this is as hard as it gets and this is killing me so much

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Northern downpour sends its love

Had a marvellous day heh. Irwin brought his new guitar to church, the one that Ed Sheeran has (naturally I spazzed) and when he played a few of  Ed's songs on it IT FELT LIKE ED WAS HERE AHHHHH I WANT A CAJON I REALLY DO I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY A CAJON anyway I really like the guitar its so accessible! Kest is having fun in the army SUPERVISOR SIOL HAHAHAHA Headed to Esplanade with Belica right after that and there was this mini exhibition around the interior of the Esplanade and it has to do with angles??? Like they taped letters on the wall and you have to stand at a certain angle to read what the sentence says for e.g. A flip side frown is a wicked jumping jack OR SMTH LIKE THAT LOL IDK ate at Thai Express HAHA and walked towards the Helix Bridge and damn the sky is stunning today like its Aussie worthy haha THANK GOD THERE WEREN'T ANY ANNOYING KIDS I SWEAR I WOULD'VE KICKED THEM TO THE CURB there were delegates though 'I knew from the tag they were wearing' according to Belica HAHAHA omg we were literally sweating through our jeans and she was wearing a pullover LIKE GIRLFRIEND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING HAHA finally hid in MBS for awhile and took papz shots of kids at the skating rink and then we went to get coffee bean and we decided to go GBTB, got lost at the hotel area I wanted very much to sneak into the rooms like I've always wanted to just run into the lift lobby of some fancy hotel its smth Agent 007 would do stealth mode LOL and WE BUMPED INTO THE DELEGATES AGAIN WHUT there were 2 Caucasian sailors *_* ahhhh Men in uniform heh, I like sailors trudged all the way back to Bayfront MRT station and finally made our way to GBTB it was pretty empty if you consider the fact that its Mothers' Day and a Sunday but the only ppl around were tourists or domestic helpers on break haha which I'll gladly pick over kids ugh  don't get me wrong there was this period when I never wanted kids but now I kinda do (gonna name them Joseph and Gordon REGARDLESS OF GENDER CUZ, JGL) but I guess today is just one of those days when I can live w/o kids within a metre radius. Went back to Coffee Bean to get water and headed home hehe I had such a fun day Sunday Fun day YAY Got macaroons for Mum and honestly they don't taste that great whoops HAHA she has problems identifying the flavours (she thought yellow was cheese when its lemon) so funny heh

gurl u fine xx

BTW I HAVE NO  FEMININE FEATURES ON THE LANDSCAPE OF MY FACE I LOOK LIKE A YOUNG BOY THANKS TO FACESWAP FOR BREAKING THE NEWS AND BREAKING MY HEART AND SELF ESTEEM AND DIGNITY LYF SUX NO WONDER PPL SAY I LOOK LIKE TIM I NEED TIME TO ACCEPT THIS  

im da papz

my shadow misbehavin'

when did Belicia become so much taller???

NEW ART INSTALLATION: HAIR PARTINGS (mine)

tryna be artistic LOL

Belicia's

so professional xx

Limerence

In all my 16 insignificant/ unworthy years on Earth, never have I once encountered this unusual assembly of unassuming syllabi.

'Leem- mer- rence'

Feel it rolling off my tongue, each sound cradled cautiously then, thrown out like an unwanted lover.

What does it mean anyway?

I repeat the word and my mind flashes to the ever slight curvature of her cheekbones, the tiny crevices concealed (more of imprinted) (or perhaps lightly kissed) on the crescent of her face...

Oh, she was born amongst the stars. Christened by their effulgence, Rosemary was one of a kind. She belonged to the Milky Way, those distant celestial bodies, securing her to a completely 'out-of-this-world' peculiar framework of a girl.

'Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky.'

Oh, how I wonder how you are? I am detrimental, and undeserving no doubt. I am a blade of grass, treacherous in strength of character, (not sly, but weak) easily swayed by the unforgiving winds of yearning. Yearning for who? But of course that diamond in the sky.

And yet.

Yet.

I am invincible in your presence. I am 'the King of the world' in that instant/moment when:

1. your tragic soulful eyes penetrate my heart. My impoverished deplorable heart. (What is a heart anyway?)
2. my neck tingles when I feel the magnificent scent of her wafting down like petals, slowly settling.
3. i linger upon the pauses in our inconsequential conversations. In the gaps between words, I sense the underlying ache, (I am not shallow) and in the deliberation of your breath, I understand all the brokenness that you are, in the halts of your voice, I relish/ revel in your silence, while my practicality curses my heart for this one-sided affection. 

Is this it? A fatal attraction, an overwhelming obsession with distasteful direction? She is a thing of beauty, stardust trails behind, tracing her peregrinate across my trampled defeated heart.

Recalcitrant, I refuse to back down.

Infatuation< Limerence< Love 

The equation of my life.

'Leem- mer- rence'

The word tastes bitter and bites my tongue, each lilt a reminder of Rosemary's pulchritude in all the facets of my obsequious passion. Between the dust of lust and love, I am no longer sane. 

How lamentable is the word Limerence.

'Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are.'

i suck at life

supposed to start on my photo assignment today but I'm doing that tmr god I really suck. Anyhoo my thoughts are getting very isolated lately, how seamlessly my mind flickers on and off I wonder if there's a switch hidden amongst the folds of my gray matter. Up till now I have no idea if its spelled 'grey' or 'gray' I guess I'll always prefer 'gray' I've been feeling too many things lately and it isn't doing myself any good. Yet I do crave thoughts thoughts so crumpled and shattering that they give my heart tremors and shivers.

feeling too many emotions now i should prolly sleep before my thoughts devours whatever's left of my beaten mind but yet i dont feel sleepy but i feel hungry i will prolly binge eat but this is prolly just one of those days but sigh i should get to bed

sigh. Its been a pretty exhausting week and yet I know there's more to come but ah well COME WHAT MAYYY Kinda sad that I didn't make the cut :( always saw myself as a performer I really do miss performing :( sigh I don't even know why I'm feeling so much from this I just kinda do miss performing alot and I HAD TO WATCH GLEE WHICH MADE IT 100000x WORST I really do want to go overseas one day and getting a degree in Lit or maybe I'll drop outta sku n bcum a sommelier lulz I needa sign from the universe speaking of which idk mann but finding signs from the universe always gave me comfort in some weird aspect. Honestly speaking when you believe/want smth so much and so badly you just start looking for signs from a divine nature to substantiate your stand and when that happens you feel really good about yourself but when it doesn't you just carry on looking for other signs but that's kinda bull cuz you only believe in what you want to believe. I mean its really up to you to decide what makes a 'sign from the universe' right?? sigh I didn't get accepted for both maybe I was expecting too much from the whole situation sighhhhhhhhh I just want so much to make a difference. I mean that was the whole point of me coming here right? ah well

the amount of discipline I do not possess is getting outta hand. Came home extremely early today and I had planned to have my lunch, gym, shower, nap (in that order) OMG SILENCED BY THE NIGHT IS PLAYING ON THE RADIO AHHHHH I LOVE THIS SONGGGG AHHHH okay back to the point. After lunch I was kinda full and super sleepy cuz I had 6 hours of sleep anyway I haven't showered but I was bloody tired so I decided to just rest on the living room floor for a while....... AND I FELL ASLEEP FOR APPROXIMATELY 40 MINS that was an extremely Ke$ha moment for me like my hair was all messy, I stank from Rockclimbing this morn and I was basically very stoned and then I was just too tired to bring myself to the lift hahaha omg see no self discipline :( I can't live alone yknow I need someone who judges my actions to keep myself in check

in other news:
I burnt my tongue on a takoyaki ball I have no idea what they put the takoyaki ball through omg like I just tasted the fiery flames of hell in that ball like whi burns their tongue on a takoyaki ball??!?!?! I'm starting to question my existence.

Rockclimbing was pretty fun today I wished we could climb more though I flew off my feet while belaying what a thrill xx

HIYEEEEEE

hahaha I'm addicted to TMPGIS and I can't help it pretty much watched both seasons thrice. School is alright I guess but time flies way too quickly like seriously one week ago was the Star Awards but it just feels like 4 hours ago alot of weird stuff has been happening to me recently like do I attract weird vibes or smth??? but damn life is pretty monotonous like there's nth really cool or interesting that's happening to me though. btw its quite hard to climb a tree or maybe its just my legs I haven't tried measuring them but I stood beside Ashley and Francis and omg my waist is at their thighs!!!!!!!! Do you know how weird that is HAHA like I'm prolly the shortest person around my age THAT I KNOW but I'm used to it my mum wants to buy some vitamin for me to supposedly help me grow but apparently you kinda stop growing after you're 18 and I'm 17 alr so I don't see how that's supposed to help me very much. Anyway I'm finALLY CLIMBING TMR YAY (hopefully) I can't stand NOT exercising esp since I've been eating way too much its so exciting I can't wait heh AND THERE IS SMTH WRONG WITH MY BLOOD apparently, iron deficiency or smth like that but its quite common though. Spent Thursday afternoon with my locpro crew filming my advert HAHA ITS ACTUALLY QUITE FUNNY THE CONCEPT fell of the cans once what a thrill xx

i cannot think

like the crests

I swell like a bolt of fury

to an unsuspecting arch

only to disintegrate

like the crevices

i seep into your faults

i sink into your depths

you siphon my every secret

you are a metaphor for ache

I

a mere verb 

(repete) 

encircle

my Es

while my tongue cradles your name 

my mouth contorts

the landscape of my face,

fluctuates

my mind 

flummoxes

at how seamlessly I

levigate

at the

concept 

of

you