surreal

i better type this down before my memory gets all hazy it feels so surreal like my brain hasn't registered that I've spent the past 6 days in Cambodia which, coincidentally, are the last 6 days of the year and now that i am back it feels like its the 26th of Dec and i have to carry on with the remaining days I FEEL SHORTCHANGED (in other words) but the past 6 days are prolly the most meaningful days I've ever lived. i mess things up a lot to the extent where i wonder if I'm doing it on purpose but if there was only a handful of things in my entire life i did right, it would be going for this trip i am sleep deprived and feeling displaced but i feel so fulfilled.

happy 2014 guys

flying off again tmr and is there an adj for feeling so excited and nervous that i feel like puking?? I'm honestly so scared mann idk what to expect i don't even think i can sleep tonight had a really great christmas tho i think i gained 5kg but IM TRYNA JUSTIFY MY ACTIONS BY DELUDING MYSELF THAT CAMBODIA PROLLY ONLY HAS GREENS SO I SHOULD PILE UP B4 I GO merry merry christmas everyone haps bday jesus thanks for what you've done

(this marks the third christmas I've yet to finish 1Q84 hahaha lol i suck i rmb thinking that i'll probably need 2 months but no its been 3 years and I'm not even halfway though)

(also idk what to do with all these fancy i have for you)

(or if its even real)

the best kind of Christmases involve staying in your pjs the entire day and pigging out on Christmas feast and of course drinking 

merry Christmas Eve everyone 

when you're still waiting for the snow to fall

It doesn't really feel like Christmas at all

every Christmas is the same I miss so many ppl right now and it sucks that I can't be with them 

what a long and eventful day. mich and I went to NTUC to collect cardboard and kope free plastic bags near the fruits section so embarrassing can you imagine the walk of shame as we left NTUC with piles of cardboard? Is it even legal???? To take w/o paying? Lol may or may not have accidentally broke the law unknowingly (is unknowingly redundant since accident suggests 'not on purpose' lol whatevs) this week is gon be crazy I don't even know where to start mann I  am blatantly avoiding my responsibilities prioritizing Christmas over everyth else 

I missed Lou so much I'm so glad she came today even tho she needs to STOP making up childhood mmrs like nope they did not happen (even tho some sound fairly vague) I have no clue how she even rmbs all these it's like the entire fabric of my mmrs are starting to get all moth-eatened anyway I was so mad just now how can a grown man be so ridiculous/self-centered/childish?!?!!?!? I hate to say this but sometimes I'd rather not be associated with some relatives I  losing every bit of remaining shreds of respect I have for you (honestly it's just an obligation) 

I'm so tired I don't even feel like I'm real to be honest Christmas doesn't even excite me like it used too it makes me feel even worst for some reason I rmb that the year is ending and I'm getting older and idk mann I feel like superficial deluding myself with all these 'buying of gifts' crap like it's a chore really I just wanna tell ppl straight in their face how impt they are to me and how much I appreciate them and want them to be happy Christmas is becoming so commercialized it makes me feel sick but yet I still confirm so I'm being hypocritical lol 

the radio is broadcasting really bad music and I am feeling pretty inconsequential now maybe it's the exhaustion I felt like I haven't properly rested ever since last Sunday I'm so tired :'( if I had a Christmas wish it'll be for me to leave sg this place is slowly draining every molecule of soul there are so many ppl I care about here in sg but to be very very very honest with myself I can't find any reasons for me to stay here 

I HUGGED A TIGER

conclusion: i hardly feel at home anywhere

OK IM BACK FROM MY ADVENTURE IN PHUKET so sad i wished it was longer tho 

Day 1:

troubled ensued even before we left sg like annoying silkair had some engine issues which they announced while we were alr seated in the plane and then after like an hour they told us to disembark from the plane?!?!??!? grrrrr but ok they gave us some snacks so that wasn't that bad and i was sitting in front of a crying KID not a baby but a KID WHO IS LIKE 2/3 YEARS OLD like you have a mouth you can talk just SAY voice out what's bothering you instead of crying and wailing like a little baby (WHICH YOU ARE NOT) but thank God the flight was like only an hour plus 

reached Patong Beach Hotel and had some other issues with the rooms (can you understand my annoyance now?) and then went to get sim cards and all WOW the place is very happening with the night life there were many caucasians and it was a little bit like Taiwan??? (or maybe its just me and my tendency to compare everyth with taiwan since i feel happiest there) 

Day 2:

just a thought// while i was having breakfast there were tourists of all nationalities lounging around and i suddenly thought that its pretty cool how from halfway around the world ppl actually made plans to come down to the same place during the same time frame and actually meeting in the same lobby or restaurant like wow our paths crossed but alas they did not intersect and i asked ky if he thought if this constituted as fate or coincidence and he put into words what i was trying to say. its probably just a coincidence but if smth major/impactful/lifechanging happens he'll account it to fate hmmmm 

anyway the driver brought us to this really shady/suspicious place for elephant trekking like it was literally beside the road omg and the elephants, poor babies :( i felt so sad for them like I'm not even sure if the business was even legal?!?!?! but it was quite an experience sitting atop the elephant my mum was so afraid tho LOL i was quite traumatised by the entire experience mainly cuz IT WAS SO DUBIOUS i really wanna save the elephants if i could sigh

went to Tiger Kingdom after that and I couldn't go see the adult tigers cuz I'm not over 160 LOL WHAT so we had to see the smallest tigers which were 3-4 months ahhhhh babies!!! i kept thinking they were dogs idk why haha they made me so happy :)))

went to some supermart after, which sold all the well-known phuket products and i can become a professional food sampler like wow its my favourite thing to do in NTUC or whatever super marts there were so many free cashew nuts hahahaha 

had thai buffet din at our hotel and the atmosphere was just like how it is in the movies when a couple goes on dates by a beach or pool and the lighting plus music wow 

went around shopping there is literally nth to buy in phuket ok nth at all i think my fave were the 2sgd singlets LOL 

Day 3:

THERE ARE SO MANY CATS AROUND THE HOTEL :))) so happy but they keep running away whenever i try to approach them 

went to this mall and it didn't feel like phuket it felt like sg and when a foreign lands feels the same as the place where you live, thats when globalisation has reached its peak 

went to this theme park in the evening AND WOW IT GIVES USS A RUN FOR ITS MONEY OK ITS SUPER COOL LIKE THERE ARENT ANY ROLLER COASTERS OR WHATEVER BUT THE ENTIRE ITINERARY IS SO FRESH like there are mostly shops there but the insides are furnished so elaborately i felt like i was in Fred and George's shop there LOL and Tim commented it feels like those kinda creepy toy shops you can never leave. we had a buffet dinner in this grand/regal banquet hall for 4k ppl it is crazy in there, literally the hunger games inside and i felt like i was visiting the king's palace and then we watched this show (i think it was called Fantasea? lol idk) and the theatre was like the one in RWS and the elephants are so smart GENIUSES I TELL YOU i was in awe mann they were doing stunts like i can't even walk properly and THE ELEPHANTS WERE LIKE STANDING ON TWO FEET AND ALL WALKING AROUND IN CIRCLES!??!?!? one of them did its business onstage so hilarious like its pee was like a waterfall (sounds like a coldplay song???? hahhaa jk) and the performers cleared it up asap. 

throughout the 3 nights there were like explosions and i thought it was a bomb going off like my heart froze when i heard it and then i heard shots and i thought i was going to die then i went to the curtains and there wasn't any fire or smoke or ppl shouting and running or screaming or whatever i even contemplated going to my parents' room to wake them up but turns out it was just fireworks lol kristie get your head outta your ass 

phuket is such a chill place there are so many bars and all you just wear singlets/shorts/sandals/shades every single day, eat, drink and be merry and everyth you're wearing can be found in different variations on the streets i wonder whats it like to live in a tourist area hmm 

pray for the best, but prepare for the worst

My favourite genres of films are thriller and comedy and Ive taken way too long but I've finally watched Prisoners today and damn. Damn its such a good film, I went to google reviews after watching the film and suddenly all these ideas hit me and i will discuss that later but this is what happens in the movie.

Two girls are missing/kidnapped after a Thanksgiving dinner between 2 families the Dovers and Birchs and Detective Loki is called in to crack the case. So Loki finds an RV that the girls were playing on and finds a man inside and takes him in for questioning. After interrogation, the man, Alex is said to have an IQ of a 10-year-old and so they let him go. Keller Dover, however finds this guy extremely suspicious cuz like if you are 10 how in the world are you able to drive a van? And Alex said 'they started crying when i left' right to Keller's face even though he denies saying anyth when Loki confronts him about it (THAT LIL SHIT) And so without the knowledge of the cops, Keller kidnaps Alex and tortures him hoping to get info of where the two girls are but to no avail. Other stuff happen but long story short it is revealed that the kidnapper is actually Alex's Aunt and Alex was her first hostage that she has been keeping and feeding LSD infused drinks to for 26 years, therefore stunting his mental growth. PLOT TWIST WOW and yes as aforementioned after reading reviews of the movie I found it very intriguing.

1) The parallels between Keller and Alex's Aunt. Driven to the point of helplessness and frustration, Keller goes batshit crazy going to almost heartless methods of torture towards Alex, even going to the extend of creating a closed compartment in the bathroom with no way of light entering and leaving trapping Alex inside while dousing him with scalding hot water or super cold water before forcing answers outta him. And in a way, he kinda becomes as bad as Alex's Aunt and how she kidnaps children and maybe he is aware of his gradual 'dehumanisation'??? or maybe he thinks his actions are justified but it really got me thinking, how far one would go for their kid. His wife on the other hand kinda juxtaposes his actions all she does is stay in bed and cry and weep like girl you need get yourself tgt and find your daughter. Well, in the end, since Alex is 'innocent', Keller prolly has to go to jail but i think he doesn't mind as long as he has his daughter back.

2) One thing i don't really understand is the introduction of this other character Bob who is seen as one of the suspects and he's really weird like he has suits filled with bloodied children's clothes (the blood is pig's blood) and SNAKES which again suggests that he might've been one of the kids kidnapped by Alex's Aunt but the weird thing is that he behaves like he is a kidnapper and it honk he believes he is one. According to one of the police officers, Bob is trying to recreate his own kidnap and he is too involved he cannot save himself from the abyss of his own mind and eventually shoots himself in the head with a gun. I didn't really get the point of including this character maybe just for the sake of twists and all but ok la quite interesting. weird dude anyway.

3) I don't think Alex has an IQ of a 10 year old if you ask me like there was a scene where he was seen torturing his dog maybe cuz his Aunt does that too or maybe he's just a psycho and another scene where he smashes the window to get a glass shard to try to escape his imprisonment like HOW WILL A 10 YEAR OLD DO THINK OF THIS??? nonsense right i wanna feel sorry for him but no he's a lil shit capable of conning poor kids for his Aunt

4) The ending of the movie made me so mad but it wasn't a bad ending tho

OVERALL AN EXCELLENT MOVIE KEPT ME AT THE EDGE OF MY SEAT FOR THE ENTIRE 2HRS 3O MINS

when i am king you shall be queen

what i learnt in physics was that,
for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction,
R= V/ I
solids have a definite volume and shape
and heat energy always flow from a higher temperature to a lower temperature 
north pole attracts the south pole 

why is it that 
when i exert a force, a feeling, an inclination, a tendency, an obligation towards you, there is no opposing force?
and since resistance is measured using units, i am nothing more than a quantification of self-will forgoing any chance of ignition with you
that because solids cannot be compressed and under heat, the distances between all these molecules of fancy i have will slowly expand and soon i will lose all form and thaw 
leaving an icky mess
and i don't know how to put into words the concept of heat transfer but i feel like I've been in the depths for a long time and this new thing/concept/idea/phenomenon gives me a little warmth, 
that opposites, however, do not actually attract

and if these are the laws of nature, why do they not translate to tangible results in actuality?

OK THIS IS JUST A DRAFT it is quite embarrassing but i need this up somewhere to remind myself to fine-tune I'm pretty sure the way i tried to dissect these concepts aren't entirely accurate, but ok i am feeling a lot of things right now (pertaining to all the exclamation points in my head post a few weeks back) so yeah ok 

downhill

a few weeks back i said that i can feel my life going downhill and today was just a sign that my gut feelings are always right. BUT ITS OK i calmed down and I'm feeling rather normal now but just to sum up this catastrophic day:

1) found out that i had to print out the address on my postcards which meant that i had to reprint them and that i wasted 15$

2) jo and i redid the stupid radio sfx like 5 frickin' times cuz it couldn't work and when we finally managed to do it we couldn't transfer it to my SD card WE SPENT LIKE 3 HRS ON THIS UGHHHHH

3) while walking down the slope with jo i slipped and fell right on my ass and LOL LUCKY THERE WASNT ANYONE AROUND BUT I LAUGHED IT OFF TO HIDE MY *TEARS* (no i didn't cry more like internal tears of humiliation)

4) got lost on the way to bras basah and while i was talking to my dad on the phone and i saw my bus leaving as i was turning around >:(

5) ended up crying like a loser at the busstop while whatsapping miki

6) stopped crying after i boarded the bus and my dad told me the printing shops were all closed

7) didn't know where to alight (or how to go home) since the bus was headed towards bras basah but i manage to get off as little india

sigh hopefully this is the worst day of my life so the rest of my days shall never be as hard as today it just an accumulation of shit and now my tailbone hurts so much  i can't even bend down LOL this also marks the thousandth time I've sobbed on public transport/ in public  but no shame ok let them tears fall my buds made me feel way way better though hehe sometimes life is just an ass and if this is what it means to be an adult then wow ok i have much learning to do it would be really embarrassing to be seen crying in public all the time but i still have 4 more years to learn but i am not gonna let myself believe that this marks my downfall or downward spiral or as i call it 'life coming to a halt'. gonna print my postcards tmr i better get an AD for this wish me luck tmr i have a hectic day even though SCHOOL HAS ENDED FOR ME??!! the problem with starting the school year in April is that you will end up having to go to school in Dec and it doesn't feel like christmas at all i thought since i have school then i would appreciate the christmas break even more BUT NO it is the complete opposite nevertheless i am leaving this place soon goodbye sg i am sick of you

fave band covering my fave song

i feel like i am in the process of dying

OK i have a common test tmr but yknow whats a bitch?! not the test, nope but having my uterus ploughed and punched around thats a bitch and maybe the agony plus hormonal abnormalities plus the national plus feeling like I am dying equates to some sort of boredom and recently I've been seeing fb generator statuses around and they don't even make sense so i decided to try it out and i haven't posted a status since i was 15 and its so embarrassing all my statuses in sec 1-3 ew

what i tell myself every time i decide to say hi to a cute boy/girl

my thoughts are frickin' poetry

is this how i would sound like if i was drunk?

after taking a selfie and looking at it

its so funny since the first few words are lyrics to wonder wall and the back portion is just trippy

ALITERATION BITCH

my what?

lies

WHAT IN THE WORLD

whenever i am on my period/cannot attend a concert

anyway ivan forbid me to tweet this so i shall write it here because it is the funniest thing i heard all week (it is only tues) anyway my school has free wifi for the students and you can log in with like your own pw and acc. so this construction worker asked ivan for the wifi pw and ivan being the good guy as he always is keyed the pw into his phone and while ivan was returning the phone to the construction worker, the page loaded and IT WAS PORN. THE CONSTRUCTION WORKER USED IVAN'S ACC TO SEARCH FOR PORN OMG I WILL NEVER LET HIM FORGET THIS 

mr tambourine man

there was this period of time i was extremely confused with 'tambourine' and 'trampoline' like they sound so alike i often used them interchangeably but alas a tambourine is not smth you pounce on and a trampoline is not smth you can hold in the palms of your hands even though they're both (usually) circular

anyway//
i am so upset everyone is overseas :'((( i wanna leave too but patience child your time will come soon but present kristie feels like smth is off whenever the ppl i love are timezones away and this led me to wonder what if i was the one away instead, would i still feel the same displacement? at first i thought that i definitely would and i should probably scratch all chances/hopes of living life abroad but then i rmbed that hey, this is an experience, or rather, i have experienced this. when I'm oceans apart i hardly think of home and i try my very best, shamelessly and futilely to be part of the fabric, to pretend i have lived at said country all my life and now i am wondering and it scares me, what little sense of attachment i have towards sg, how my priorities are debunked and if feeling this way is justified?

OK GON PRETEND THE RAIN IS SNOW SELF-DELUDED DAZ HOW I ROLL

BTW THIS HAPPENED WE SHARED A MOMENT 

mother interviews potential daughter-in-law

sit down

your name please

do you work well with ivories and silk

can you string fabrics with threads that bound not throttle

that will create tiny stitches for tiny holes on tiny clothes

yes im expecting three kids

no more no less

stick out your chest

it looks supple enough, will you satisfy my son?

and show me your hands

will they age with grace or flourish into chaffed surfaces?

when my friends meet you at the wedding will they approve begrudgingly or deride at your jutted chin?

sweetheart do not blame me for my impudent manner

one day you will take my place

and you will understand

thank you for your time

when you're still waiting for the snow to fall/ it doesn't really feel like christmas at all

it hasn't hit me that it is approximately 20 more days to christmas AND MY CHRISTMAS TREE IS STILL HIBERNATING IN ITS CARDBOARD COFFIN WAITING TO BE DRESSED UP and I've been meaning to set it up but i just keep forgetting and Tim refuses to set it up even tho he's at home all the time just cuz he's lazy i mean he cannot use height as an excuse cuz as of this year, i now take the place of being the shortest at home (only a matter of time really) and I really wanna be excited about christmas this year being nonchalant towards everything is my second greatest fear ahh! but i really cannot be bothered and i am still very upset that i have resorted to deluding myself that i'll be in europe BUT WAKE UP KRIS i am very sad. christmas makes me sad merry KRIStmas y'all hahahaha but come to think of it i'll only be completely free of all responsibilities on the 13th (coincidentally it happens to be a friday) and then i'll be free for 5 days HAHA but think about it. Do you ever wonder like there's so much more to life than this? there's so much more to life than routine/rituals LIKE THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO LIFE THAN MERELY FOLLOWING A SET OF INSTRUCTIONS OR GOING THROUGH A PROCEDURE. yes life feels like a procedure to me and it should not feel this way ok i just need smth interesting and REAL to happen to me, noope not the stories i conjure within my lonely mind (again i am self-deluded) but smth real, not synthetic/artificial/vague smth solid and interesting can it pls happen to me now i need an adventure xx

i dont wanna sound like a spendthrift or spoilt but i feel like i need to be in a winter country at least once a year i can't take it anymore oh my goodness frick i really miss korea/europe/taiwan i cannot wait until i leave in approximately 13 more days thank God but sigh wished i could be somewhere else with temps reaching at least 20 degrees BUT NO COMPLAINS I'LL TAKE WHATEVER THAT'S GIVEN this is becoming an unhealthy obsession

in other news:
am gonna attempt the impossible aka manipulating divine intervention xx

result of having too much free time

BEHOLD! i have a second instagram account dedicated solely to stalking celebrities and leaving psychotic comments behind i can't do that on my personal acc in case i get banned or blocked or whatever hahaah i have a reputation to maintain LOL jokes aside i can't believe its alr Dec!! I haven't felt like I've grown a little wiser or developed maturely or or done anything productive at all! actually come to think of it 2013 was a pretty eventful year WOW OK ALOT OF THINGS HAPPENED (are happening) wait for my yearly 'in retrospect' posts where i get all sappy and emotional and nostalgic xx